


Do Not Forget To Breathe

by Wildsenses



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Porn, Broken Heart, Broken Promises, College/University, Drama, Feels, Humor, Hurt Oikawa Tooru, M/M, Oikawa hurt his knee again, Oikawa wants to confess, Sad Oikawa Tooru, Soulmates, Swearing, a lot of crying, come read we've got cookies, idk how to tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:14:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 35,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23862106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wildsenses/pseuds/Wildsenses
Summary: « What’s wrong Iwa-chan? »Oikawa can see that Iwaizumi isn’t telling him something, and it’s not about volleyball. He doesn’t know if it’s important or not, but Iwaizumi isn’t the kind of guy to be worried about some stupid stuff so it must be pretty important if he looks that concerned.« Iwa-ch- »« Oikawa, you know that we’re not going to the same college, right. »And if losing against Karasuno, against Shiratorizwa and losing the opportunity to go to the nationals weren’t enough, now he had to lose Iwaizumi too.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kuroo Tetsurou/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 25
Kudos: 127





	1. Can we go back to what we used to be?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys ! I have to admit I hesitated a lot before finally posting this fic. It's the first time I'm writing about Iwaoi and as I watched the beginning of season 4 oh Haikyuu, I also re-watch Seijo's match against Karasuno. Obviously, I fell once again in love with Oikawa and Iwaizumi. And I'm still not over the fact that we saw the third years cry.  
> Anyway ! I think it will be in several chapters. 
> 
> Also, English is not my first language so forgive me if there are some mistakes. 
> 
> Hope you will like it ! Lots of love!

The truth is that it hurt like hell. It hurt to know that, even with all these efforts, they got nothing. He got nothing.  
Karasuno won against them and Oikawa still doesn’t know how it could have happened. All he can see across the court is the smiling faces of these ravens, he can hear the cheering, the joy in their laughs and in their voices. But when he dares to look at his own team, at his teammates, all he can see is sadness. Anger. They try not to cry but the coach’s words break them more than they could have thought.  
And at this moment, Oikawa doesn’t really understands what is happening. They lost, yeah. But they’re still going to play against Shiratorizawa, right? They’re still going to win against them and finally go to nationals. So why is everyone sad? It was just a match.  
But as Seijo goes to thank the one who came to cheer on them, it’s like the reality slapped Oikawa in the face. No, they lost. He’s slowly waking up. He finally understands.  
They lost. They’re not going to play against Ushijima. They’re, once again, not going to nationals.

And the first thing Oikawa thinks when he sees Hanamaki, Matsukawa and worst of all, Iwaizumi break down, is that he failed as a captain.  
So yeah, they went to eat ramens, they played volley ball as a team for the last time. They cried when Oikawa thanked them for these past three years. But there is something growing in his chest. This awful and guilty feeling that he let down his teammates.  
When they finally go home, Oikawa is walking besides his best friend. He knows Iwaizumi is going to ask him if he’s okay. He knows it, and he just waits for it.

« Hey Trashykawa, are you okay? »

And for the first time, Oikawa doesn’t know what to say. Because he thinks he’s okay, but deep down, he knows he’s not. But he still has his title of Aoba Johsai’s captain and he can’t break down in front of his ace. He doesn’t have the right to.

« You’re so mean Iwa-chan ! I can’t believe I’m still best friend with you ! »

But Oikawa knows why. And Iwaizumi too. But they don’t talk about it because it’s not what they do. They never did.  
Iwaizumi sighs, stopping in his tracks. Oikawa stops too and when he looks at his best friend, he can practically hear what he’s thinking. But he isn’t the mood to talk about him, or about what happened. Because he knows that he will stay all night awake, thinking about what he could have done better. What he should have done.

« I’m serious. Are you okay? »  
« Why are you asking me that? »  
« Because I know how you take this defeat. I know you since way too long. And you didn’t say a word about what happened. »  
« Well, maybe because there isn’t much to say about it. »  
« But - »  
« There is nothing wrong with me. I swear, I’m fine. I’m just tired because we got to play a full set with Karasuno and.. »

And they lost. And Tooru thinks that this fact is going to haunt him until his death. But there’s something else that is bothering Iwaizumi. He can tell by the look on his face, the frown between his thicks eyebrows. These eyebrows he already made fun of, so many times because « Iwa-chan, you’re going to look like a grumpy old man before the age of thirty ».  
And if Iwaizumi uses to look angry (mostly towards him), Oikawa can feel the tension. The air becomes heavier, like ready to explode.  
Tooru thinks he probably doesn’t want to know. He thinks that Iwaizumi is just sad and angry about the fact that they lost. That this was their last chance to go to nationals. Yes, he’s probably going to tell him that he should have done better. Mostly because he’s the ace of the team.

« What’s wrong Iwa-chan? »

Oikawa can see that Iwaizumi isn’t telling him something, and it’s not about volleyball. He doesn’t know if it’s important or not, but Iwaizumi isn’t the kind of guy to be worried about some stupid stuff so it must be pretty important if he looks that concerned.

« Iwa-ch- »  
« Oikawa, you know that we’re not going to the same college, right. »

And if losing against Karasuno, against Shiratorizwa and losing the opportunity to go the nationals weren’t enough, now he had to lose Iwaizumi too.

For the first time, Oikawa forgets how to breathe.

The year is almost done and so is High school. That means that they are soon all going to college. After this evening where Iwaizumi told him that they weren’t going to the same college, Oikawa spaced out for a bit. Or maybe much longer because Iwaizumi ended asking him if everything was alright. So Oikawa just laughed it off, mocking Iwaizumi about the fact that he seemed so worried. And all Tooru was able to answer was that he knew it from the beginning. He knew they weren’t going to stay together until death til them apart. So he smiled and said that they had to enjoy their last year of high school together. With Makki and Matsun.

But the truth is, Oikawa didn’t think about that. He didn’t think one second that he wouldn’t be with Hajime in college. Of course, he thought about it, as an alternative. Nothing else. He didn’t really think that all of this was going to happen. And yet that night, he couldn’t stop staring at his ceiling as his heart pounded in his chest.

They mostly don’t talk about it and it’s probably the subject they want to avoid the most. Oikawa thinks that if they do that, maybe it won’t be true. Maybe, they will go to university together, as they always wanted since they’re kids. Or..Was it was he always wanted? No, Iwaizumi would have followed him anywhere. They’re not just friends, they’re best friends since childhood. But perhaps, for a second, Oikawa forgot it and thought that Hajime was always going to be by his side.  
And it hurts, because Tooru doesn’t see Iwaizumi just as a friend anymore. There is something else. Something he keeps hidden from him, because he doesn’t want to see the look of disgust on his best friend’s face when he tells him that he’s in love with him.

It first happened when they were fourteen. A girl confessed her feelings to Iwaizumi, and as much as Oikawa wanted to, he couldn’t accept it. He couldn’t imagine that his best friend was going to abandon him for a girl. At first, the captain thought that it was normal to think this way, they always were together so it was logical. But as they grew up, Oikawa saw something more in Hajime. He didn’t want to see him with a girl because he already pictured himself with him.

The second time it happened, was when they just got into high school. They were practicing volleyball. For the first time, Iwaizumi was late and when Oikawa asked his teammates if they saw him, Hanamaki answered with a grin that some girl wanted to talk to him.  
And this horrible feeling we call jealousy decided to grow in Oikawa’s heart. What if Iwaizumi accepted this girl’s feelings? What if he said yes? What if he decided to go out with her?  
At the end, it turned out that his best friend wasn’t interested and Oikawa felt guilty for being happy at the time.

So yeah, maybe he fell in love with Iwaizumi. He maybe didn’t even notice. And when he freaked out about it, Hanamaki and Matsukawa were there, asking what bothered him so much lately. The answer was simple though. He was in love with Iwaizumi.  
Hanamaki and Matsukawa didn’t really seem surprised, like they knew that this would happen. Obviously, Oikawa told them to keep it secret, and even if they weren’t very fond about this idea (because hiding feelings was rarely a good idea), they promised their captain to keep their mouth shut.  
And Oikawa never told Iwaizumi. He was too scared to lose him, to lose his pillar. In fact, his soulmate. No one understood him like he did. Iwaizumi was able to tell when he was lying, when he was happy, when he was feeling down. So maybe, juste maybe he could hold this secret a little while longer, just to keep Iwaizumi at his side.

But everything falls appart when the boys (and that means Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Hanamaki and Matsukawa) are together at Hanamaki’s place, an afternoon.  
They decided to study first and when the heat started to blow up their mind, they ate their favorite popsicles. « So..Did you decide in which university you’re going to apply? » Hanamaki asks, his head in Matsukawa’s lap.

« Hm, you’re going to the same university as Makki, right Matsun? » Iwaizumi questions.  
« Yeah, we talked about it and we’re probably going to share a flat, too. »  
« Oh that’s great ! I wonder who is going to be the first one to burn down the kitchen. » Teases Oikawa with a grin.

Tooru can’t really say anything of Hanamaki or Matsukawa abilities to cook because he really was worse. All he ever cooked was his milk bread, but Hajime always said that it wasn’t a proper meal. So when he knew that Oikawa’s parents weren’t home for the week, he often came to his house and cooked for him. Apparently, Iwaizumi banned Oikawa from the kitchen when he was alone.

« Probably you, since you can’t cook a damn thing. »  
« Mean Makki ! »

Matsukawa laughs and as he licks his popsicle, he finally asks.

« And you, guys? »

Neither of Iwaizumi or Oikawa starts talking. And the same tension fills the air. Matsukawa can feel that he probably asked a dumb question, or even worse. But before he can add something, Oikawa starts speaking.

« I’mg going to Tokyo, to play volleyball. They..Kind of recruited me so.. »  
« That’s awesome ! »  
« Yeah, why didn’t you to tell us Asskawa? » Iwaizumi fills the room.

Oikawa just shrugs. He doesn’t know why he didn’t feel like sharing this with his best friend. He wasn’t even really happy about it because even if he went to Tokyo, it would probably mean that he wasn’t going to see Iwaizumi as much as he wanted to anymore.  
But he doesn’t want to share this either, so he just smiles.

« I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go. But anyway, I’m going now. And you Iwa-chan? »

But Iwaizumi doesn’t answer at first. Hanamaki straightens to have a better look on the team’s ace, and when he finally answers, it’s almost like Makki can feel Oikawa’s heart break.

« I’m going to study in Australia. »

It’s like getting slapped in the face and coming back to reality. At first, Oikawa doesn’t know what that means. He doesn’t understand the words that come out of Hajime’s mouth, because he can’t believe it. It’s not possible. Iwaizumi is not going to Australia, he didn’t even tell him. He never even mentioned it. When did he decide this? And why was everyone looking this surprised? But if Hanamaki is congratulating him, Matsukawa glares at Oikawa who looks like he’s about to pass out.

« That’s great Iwazi- »  
« What are you talking about Iwa-chan? »

Iwaizumi looks directly at his best friend, unsure about what to say next. He knows Oikawa, and right now all he can see is that harsh and cold look he gives his enemy before a match. He’s nervous, his palms are sweaty, because it’s hard to give a proper answer.  
But Hajime always wanted to see the world, he wants to go to Australia. And he always knew that he wasn’t going to keep playing volleyball. He liked it very much, but it wasn’t like Oikawa. His best friend had this sport in his veins.

« I’m going to study in Australia. » Hajime repeats even if he knows Oikawa heard him the first time.  
« Yes, I know. You already said that. But why? Since when? »

Iwaizumi knows that Oikawa is keeping it together. He’s trying really hard not to explode. He knows it, he can feel it. Because he knows Oikawa from the bottom of his heart.

« I always wanted to travel and Australia has very good universities. I want to become coach or sport therapist. I still don’t know- »  
« And why didn’t you tell me? Iwa-chan you’re very good at playing volleyball, you were the team’s ace. Aoba Johsai’s ace. Why don’t you want to continue? »  
« Because that’s your dream, not mine Oikawa. »  
« Well, even so, why aren’t you staying in Japan? Most of all why didn’t you tell me? I’m your best friend Iwa-chan ! »  
« You didn’t tell my that you were going to Tokyo either, Oikawa ! » Iwaizumi replies angrily.  
« Yes but you could have guessed that I wanted to keep playing volleyball. Didn’t you trust me? When did you want to tell me huh? The day before? Why, Iwa-chan?! » Oikawa is slowly losing it, he knows it.

Oikawa snaps, as he raises his own voice. He still can’t believe that Iwaizumi is leaving in a few months just to study. Of course, studying was important, but why did he get to go this far? Tokyo had really good universities too.

« Because I knew you would react like that ! I couldn’t tell you because I knew you wouldn’t be happy about it. »  
« Well my best friend is leaving for another country after we thought we were going to the same college and -»  
« No, you thought that Oikawa ! We never agreed to anything. You knew that we weren’t going to stay together forever ! »

Hajime replies and his voice, his words sounded harsher than he wanted them to be. And now, he can see the look of pure shock on his face. He thinks he can also see sadness, as if he was..Heartbroken. But soon, Oikawa regains his cold expression. As always, he doesn’t let anyone come in, not even Iwaizumi at this exact moment.  
And for the first time, Hajime doesn’t know what his captain is thinking.

« Yeah, you’re right. Maybe we weren’t supposed to be together forever. »

A sudden silence fills the room. Hanamaki and Matsukawa don’t know what to say, but they can feel that Oikawa and Iwaizumi are both hurt and sad. These two were always bickering for some reasons, but at this moment, it wasn’t a simple disagreement. It was a decision, a feeling that would change their entire life and mostly, their entire friendship.  
Not knowing what to do, or what do say, the third years go back to studying. Obviously, Tooru and Hajime didn’t exchange a single word for the rest of the afternoon.  
And when it’s finally time to go home, Oikawa is the first one to leave Makki’s house because he can’t look at Iwaizumi right now.

And for the second time, Oikawa forgot how to breathe.

* * *

Oikawa and Iwaizumi had their fights. Like any other person who had a best friend in their life. But this time, it’s not about volleyball, not about practice or winning. It’s about them, about their friendship which crumbles. Oikawa is not selfish enough to put a drama on Iwaizumi’s shoulders because he wants to see the world. He may be childish but not when it comes to his best friend’s happiness.  
Iwaizumi’s words were like a sharp pain in his chest. You knew we weren’t going to stay together forever. And he can hear Iwaizumi’s voice in his head. It huts like hell, because he didn’t think it would happen.

Tooru is angry and sad at the same time. Worse, he’s terrified. Hajime won’t be at his side anymore, and he doesn’t know for how long. A year? Two? More?  
Usually, Oikawa doesn’t need someone to keep him company. He doesn’t mind being alone, not really. But it was different with Iwaizumi. In fact, everything was different with him.  
Maybe it was supposed to happen. Maybe they needed some kind of space, for the sake of they friendship.  
So, the truth is hard to swallow but if Iwaizumi really wants to leave, who he is to stop him?

Before their exams, and so the end of their high school life, the boys find themselves playing with the team once more. Just for fun. Just because Oikawa isn’t ready to abandon his role as captain. Just because he isn’t ready to let Iwaizumi walk out of his life.

So, when they’re finishing practicing, the team cleans everything up and one after another, they all leave the building. Matsukawa and Hanamaki are waiting for Oikawa and Iwaizumi outside because they could feel the tension between these two.  
They didn’t really talk since their fight, mostly because Oikawa doesn’t know what to say and because Hajime is stubborn as hell.  
But Tooru can’t stand this situation, this silence anymore. So, after putting his shirt back on, he says.

« I’m sorry. »

And there is a silence which makes Oikawa want to scream.

« I know. » Iwaizumi answers.

Oikawa thinks this is a sick joke. He knows? No, Iwaizumi knows nothing. Nothing at all. With a sigh, Oikawa starts again.

« No, I mean it Iwa-chan. I’m sorry for what I said and -»  
« I know Oikawa. I shouldn’t have reacted like that. I was just terrified about what you were going to say. I didn’t want us to fight, not before leaving high school and Japan. »

Yeah, that’s right. Oikawa almost forgot that Iwaizumi was still going to Australia, was going further and further away from him.

« You’re my best friend, you dumbass. You always will be, even if I’m not with you. You’re the number one. »

Iwaizumi smiles, putting his jacket on as he looks at Oikawa. He isn’t mad, not anymore. He should have told his best friend sooner, he knows that. But now, he just wants to enjoy the rest of time that he’s got left with him.  
Oikawa’s words are stuck in his throat. He wants Iwaizumi to be happy, but he wants him to be happy with him. Not in Australia or with someone else. But he doesn’t say all of this, instead he feels his eyes burning. Before he knows it, he’s crying and Iwaizumi’s arms are around him.  
And Tooru just stays in this position, crying into Hajime’s shoulders. He doesn’t want him to leave, he wants to stay with him.

It’s so painful that Oikawa thinks that he’s never going to survive it.

* * *

Except, he somehow manages to and right now, he’s helping Iwaizumi to pack his things. Neither of them say a word, afraid to break this peace.  
They’re not angry, or nervous. They just..Act as if Iwaizumi wasn’t going to Australia. Oikawa thinks it’s for the best.  
Iwaizumi’s flight is in the afternoon, so they decided to eat together, watch a stupid but funny show on the T.V and even sleep a bit before they finally have to leave for the airport.  
Hanamaki and Matsukawa are waiting for them, smiling as usual.

« Iwa-chan, why did you have to take so many things with you? » Oikawa complains even though he offered to take Iwaizumi’s suitcase.

« It’s not that bad Oikawa, stop complaining already. »  
« Even with all this stuff, your clothes are still horrible. You do know that, right? »  
« It’s your face which is horrible. »  
« Mean Iwa-chan ! »

Finally, they find Makki and Matsun who can’t help but laugh at Oikawa’s face. This guy was Aoba Johsai’s captain and he’s tired with just a suitcase.

« You’re all terrible, I don’t know you anymore guys. » «  
« You’re making this sound worse than it is in reality. »  
« Oh thank you for your support Makki ! »

Oikawa sighs, rubbing his forearm against his forehead. Did Iwaizumi put all his room in his bags and suitcase?

« When is your flight Iwaizumi? » Matsukawa asks, putting his hands in his pockets.« Hm.. In two hours. I still got a bit time with you guys. I will just have my bags checked and registered. »

It doesn’t take long to get this done and when Iwaizumi comes back, Oikawa gives him a hot cocoa that he bought a few minutes ago.  
He can feel his fingers tremble. His heart pounding so hard in his chest that he almost can’t hear what Iwaizumi tells him.  
By the time they finish mocking Oikawa for the umpteenth time, Iwaizumi has to go. Or he thinks so, according to the flight attendant who’s calling the passengers who are going to Australia.  
Hanamaki and Matsukawa are the first to say goodbye.

« Take care, okay? And be careful. Don’t let a snake or an alligator eat you. » Hanamaki starts as he hugs his dear friend.  
« Yeah, call us when you arrive. And don’t forget us. » Matsukawa continues, imitating Hanamaki.

His teammates decide that Oikawa and Iwaizumi needed some space, so they gave them a smile and disappeared.  
But there is a silence between them. Something that’s crushing Oikawa’s heart so badly that he wishes he didn’t have one. Or at least not when his best friend was around because it would have been so much easier.

« Iwa-chan I -»  
« You -»

They start at the same time, then they both laugh and shake their heads.

« You first. » Iwaizumi says through a smile.

And Oikawa panics just a bit. Does he really want Iwaizumi to know about his feelings? If he tells him now, maybe Hajime will get angry and all he will say is that he doesn’t want to see him again. Oikawa thinks about this solution for a few seconds because if Iwaizumi hates him, it would be easier to let his best friend go. But as Oikawa sees him smile, he knows he doesn’t want to. Even if his heart is slowly falling into pieces. He wants to keep Iwaizumi in his life, even if he has to stay quiet.

« I’ll miss you. Very much, you know? »  
« Yeah I know. But I will come back for the holidays and for Christmas and -»  
« I know, Iwa-chan. You can’t be without me. » And how Oikawa wishes it was true.  
« I’m glad to get rid of you, at least for a few months. »  
« Mean Iwa-chan! »

Oikawa says as he looks shocked by his best friend’s words. Hajime just laughs at it, but when the flight attendant calls for the last passenger, he can feel his chest tightens.

« Go. Or you will miss you flight. »  
« Yeah..So, see you around. I guess? »  
« Hm. »

Hajime finally turns away and starts walking towards the gate but stops abruptly. He knows something is off with Oikawa. He knows there is something he isn’t telling him but it’s probably too late.  
However, it’s not too late for what he’s about to do. So, as Oikawa looks at the floor, trying to suppress this horrible sensation of being abandoned, he hears Iwaizumi calling his name. And the next thing he knows, is that he’s being hugged by the famous ace.  
And it’s enough to make him cry into his best friend’s shoulder. But Iwaizumi’s crying too. He’s not just going on holidays. He’s leaving to study and, even if he doesn’t know why, his heart is crushing his chest. So hard that he’s scared to pass out.

« Don’t forget me Iwa-chan..Please.. »  
« I won’t, you idiot. You’ll always be my best friend. You’re the number one. »

But Iwaizumi has to go if he doesn’t want to miss his flight. Reluctantly, he lets go of Oikawa and with a last smile, a small wave, Iwaizumi’s gone for Australia.

Oikawa was wrong. He won’t survive this. Not in a millions years. And now, Oikawa didn’t just forgot how to breathe. Now he couldn’t even anymore.

* * *

Tooru wants to lie about it, he wants to say that everything’s alright but he just can’t. He can feel, sense that Iwaizumi’s not there and it’s driving him crazy.  
When he saw him disappear in this plane, he wanted to scream at him. Beg him to stay. But Oikawa wasn’t this selfish, he couldn’t ask Iwaizumi to stay with him just to..Stay.

So, he entered college with Hanamaki and Matsukawa. At first, Tooru wanted to take his own flat. After all, he was supposed to be with his best friend but now..Well it’s not happening. Not anymore.  
He told Makki and Matsun that he was fine. But they didn’t buy it. Not when they had to drag him out of this airport because he thought that Hajime was coming back to him. He didn’t, obviously. So he cried. He cried in the car. He cried when they came back to Hanamaki’s house. He cried when he told them that he was so in love with Iwaizumi that it hurt.  
In fact, he cried himself to sleep. His deep brow locks sticking against his sweaty forehead and against Matsun’s lap.

« He should have told him.. » Had said Hanamaki while he caressed Oikawa’s skull.

Matsukawa just sighed, maybe it’s better this way. Or maybe not. You couldn’t just separate two soulmates like that.

That’s why (and mostly because Oikawa seemed to struggle with this situation), the two boys decided to take Tooru under their wings. And now, the three of them were flatmates.  
It wasn’t always easy, mainly the three first months. Oikawa had a hard time to adjust without Iwaizumi and each time they called each other, they had to fight for any good reason they found interesting.  
While Iwaizumi decided to run to calm him down, Oikawa just screamed into his pillows.

Although, it started to get better. Slowly, but still.  
At college, Oikawa finally meets Kuroo the famous captain of Nekoma. Bokuto, captain of Fukurodani and his precious little setter, Akaashi who often comes to see him practice.  
He can feel that Kuroo really likes Bokuto, actually he thinks they are best friend. It’s a bit different from the relationship he has with Iwaizumi though.  
Bokuto and Kuroo always seem to laugh at their own stupid jokes, and even if Akaashi has a really good self control, he doesn’t understand them sometimes. He’s so done with them, it makes Oikawa laugh.

« Oikawa, does your knee still hurt? » Kuroo asks as he plays with the ball in his hands.

Yes, Oikawa hurt himself a few weeks after he started practicing again. It was after a fight with Iwaizumi and to cool him off, he just..Well put too much strength into his practicing. It ended him getting to the doctor and resting a few days at home.  
Iwaizumi isn’t here anymore to tell him to stop. He just, isn’t here with him.

« Yeah, it doesn’t hurt so much anymore but the doctor told me to be careful. »  
« Damn right, I thought you were going to pass out on the floor. »  
« I’m too beautiful to pass out, Tetsu-chan. »  
« You’re an ugly crier Oikawa, we all know it. »  
« Mean Tetsu-chan ! My knee hurt at that time! »

Oikawa pouts as he puts his hands on his hips. His friendship with Kuroo and Bokuto is just magical. It’s different from his relation with Makki and Matsun but it’s still what he needs to get better. Because he’s going better. They often text with Hajime, often send pictures. He seems to be thrilled to be in Australia because « I don’t have to hear you complaining anymore Asskawa ». And Oikawa is happy for him, really he does.  
But sometimes he surprises himself staring at his ceiling, wondering why all of this happened. Why he just couldn’t find the strength to move on. To forget about his feelings for Iwaizumi.

« Oy, earth to Oikawa. Are you there? »

Oikawa blinks as Kuroo snaps his fingers in front of his face. With a grin, he doesn’t stop until Oikawa is threatening him to bit his fingers off.

« Did you listen to what I said? »  
« Hm..Yes? » Kuroo gives him a look that says he knows he’s lying. « Alright, no ! What did you say then? »  
« There is a party tomorrow night. Bokuto and I are going, maybe Akaashi is coming with. You’re coming too right? »  
« I don’t know..I don’t really feel like it.. »  
« Oh come on ! It will be nice ! You can’t just keep practicing like you do and then just going home. Iwaizumi would be telling you the same thing Oika -»  
« You don’t know what Iwa-chan would be telling me Tetsu-chan. »

It just came out like that. Oikawa just threw these words at Kuroo with a cold expression, a little harsh maybe. And Tetsuro just blinks and stares at him like he doesn’t know him anymore. Soon, Oikawa’s face softens and he sighs, looking at the ground.  
Kuroo doesn’t deserve this, his doesn’t have to keep up with his bad mood. But finally, Nekoma’s captain smiles and puts his hand on his friend’s shoulder.

« I know, Oikawa. I’m just saying that you should go out with us. Maybe you’ll find a boyfriend or something. »

A boyfriend huh? It wasn’t a bad idea to be honest. But how is he supposed to get a boyfriend when his heart is claiming Hajime’s name?

* * *

Tooru doesn’t really know if he wants to be there. He is with Kuroo, Bokuto and Akaashi who came as well but there’s something off with him. It’s like he doesn’t belong here, with all these people.  
It’s like there’s something missing. Someone’s missing.  
And Akaashi notices it, so with a worried expression, he asks.« Oikawa-san, are you alright? »

What is he supposed to say? That he was okay? That he wasn’t crying himself to sleep most of the night because his best friend was gone? It was the same kind of lies Oikawa told himself in high school and today, there is no Iwa-chan to tell him to quit lying.

« Yes, don’t worry about me Akaashi. I’m just a bit tired and..Well I thought that the first party I would go would be with Iwa-chan but.. »

Oikawa doesn’t say it out loud, because it would mean that he still didn’t get over it. That he still didn’t recover. But he did ! At least, that’s what he’s telling himself.  
Akaashi offers him a kind smile, making him understand that if he needed someone to talk to, he was here.  
Tooru quietly thanks him and goes looking for a drink. Something with alcohol, something strong.

As the party goes on through the night, Oikawa surprises himself drinking a bit too much, dancing with strangers, joking a lot with Kuroo and Bokuto.  
And he didn’t feel so alive since..Well since Iwaizumi told him he was going to Australia. It feels good, he feels relieved even if it’s just for a few hours. He just wants to forget his broken heart.

Finally, he finds Kuroo who tells him that Bokuto went out with Akaashi for fresh air.

« Maybe you’re right, I should have gone out more often. » Oikawa screams through the music which is way too loud.

Kuroo frows, mostly because he doesn’t understand what his friend is saying. So Oikawa repeats it, but Nekoma’s captain still doesn’t get it.  
So he takes Tooru’s hand and lead him towards the long and dark corridor before opening a first door. They see a couple making out on the bed and Oikawa just shakes his head, making Kuroo laugh.  
Another door, then. But yet again, they find someone. Or rather, they find Bokuto with Akaashi on his lap. Lips swollen and hair disheveled. Oikawa is just as surprised as Kuroo, but they don’t say anything. Just a quick « don’t mind us, guys! » from Kuroo.The third door opens, and finally it’s a clean bedroom with no one in it.

Tooru is the first one to let himself fall on the bed as Kuroo closes the door. He soon joins his friend on this bed which he thinks way too confortable for their own sake.  
After a few seconds of silence, Oikawa speaks up.

« I’m sooo wasted. I haven’t been in a while. »  
« How much did you drink out there? » Kuroo he turns his head toward Oikawa, a grin on his face.

All Oikawa can do is laugh at his own state. Yeah, how many drinks did he have? Not so much, at least that’s what he thinks.

« I don’t know..Two? I didn’t drink that much. »  
« Yeah, that’s what they all say. I can’t wait to see your face tomorrow though. »  
« I will be as beautiful as always, Tetsu-chan. »  
« You won’t. You’re still an ugly crier. »  
« I don’t cry that much. I cried when I hurt my knee. I cried when Iwa-chan decided to go to Australia, when I had to say him goodbye and when I knew that I couldn’t tell him that I loved him. » Oikawa says, as a matter of fact, his brows furrowing with each statement.

Kuroo looks at him for a while. He’s wasted too, but not as much as Oikawa. He can tell that he’s heartbroken, he can feel it. It’s not just a crush he has on Iwaizumi, he already told him that he was madly in love with him, a few weeks after they met.  
Oikawa seems to be dealing with this situation just fine, but when he sees him rubbing his face with his two hands and hears him sniffling, he knows that he’s not okay with all of this.

« I just..I just couldn’t tell him Tetsu-chan. Because he wouldn’t understand and I didn’t want him to hate me but now..Now he’s away and I miss him so much, it hurts.. »

Soon, this sniffling turns into sobs that shake Oikawa’s whole body. And Kuroo puts his arms around him to pull him close.  
Tetsuro doesn’t know how Oikawa really feels inside but he knows that it must be destroying him. These kind of feelings don’t just go away, it takes time, and tears. And Oikawa seems to be drowning in it.

« It’s okay Oikawa. It will be fine, you just..Need time. I know it hurts but.. » Kuroos sighs. What is he supposed to say? That he was going to recover? Of course but right now, it’s not the thing he wants to hear. So, Kuroo keeps quiet and keeps his friend close to his chest.

Oikawa keeps crying, his tears falling down on Kuroo’s shirt. And Kuroo just waits for his friend to calm down. It’s about an hour later, that Tooru finally falls asleep against Tetsuro.

* * *

The next party takes place at Kuroo and Bokuto’s flat this time. It’s been a few weeks since the last one and mostly since Oikawa told his friend he was heartbroken.  
But he starts to get better. He started to understand that maybe, he and Iwaizumi weren’t meant to be. That maybe, they will just stay best friends, that’s all. It still hurts, obviously but when he is with Kuroo, Bokuto and Makki and Matsun, he can feel his heart beat normally, and not crushing his chest.

He and Hajime still call each other, but Oikawa suspects that Iwaizumi is hiding something from him. He doesn’t know why or what but he too, can feel it. Iwaizumi started to act a bit different, he seems troubled. He doesn’t call him « asskawa » or « shittykawa » as often as he used to. He seems sad, but he’s still gorgeous. And even if Oikawa thinks that moving on is a good idea, he can’t help but fall in love with his best friend each time they call or FaceTime.

« Where are you going? » Matsun asks when Oikawa starts to gather his things  
« Tetsu-chan and Kou-chan are throwing a party so I’m going. »  
« When will you come home? » And Oikawa just stares at him before laughing.  
« Matsun, you realize that you sounded like my mother right now? »

Matsukawa blinks for a few seconds then scrunches his nose. Well, since Iwaizumi’s not there anymore, he had to look after Oikawa right?

« Yeah, I think you’re probably right. »  
« Don’t worry. I’m off. Makki, I’m go -»  
« No way ! I can’t believe it. » Makki yells as he enters the living room with a devilish smile on his face. Both Oikawa and Matsukawa looks at him.

« Guys, Iwaizumi sent me a message and guess what, he’s got a girlfriend ! »  
« He what? » Matsukawa frowns, not because Iwaizumi has now a girlfriend but because he’s wondering why he told Makki first.  
« Yeah he said it just happened and it’s a girl from his class. He thinks she’s cute. »

Oikawa knew that this would happen, too. He knew that with Iwaizumi gone and in another country, he didn’t need to take care of him anymore. He just could do what he wanted to.  
And Tooru thought that he was getting better but it’s totally the contrary. In fact, he never felt so awful in his whole life.  
Again, he thought he was going to pass out. For real this time because he zones out for a couple of seconds and it’s Matsun’s voice which brings him back to reality. He thought that he was going better because he thought that Iwaizumi would never get a girlfriend.  
Damn it, he’s in love with his best friend who is straight. Not bi. Straight. So there is no way this could have worked in the first place.

« Oikawa, are you okay? You look pale. »

But he will not give his friends and mostly Iwaizumi, the pleasure to see him break down once again.  
Tooru knows he’s heartbroken. He’s going to be for a while but at the same time, he’s angry. Because Iwaizumi never told him he wanted to go to Australia, because of their constant fights and now, because he had the nerves to get a girlfriend. He knows he’s being selfish, but he just..Can’t stand it anymore.

« That’s great for him. I hope he won’t annoy her like he annoyed me. Anyway, I have to go. See you later. »

Oikawa laughs humorlessly, takes his keys, his jacket and he’s gone. Mostly because he wants to run away from this.  
Matsukawa sighs and brushes his dark hair out of his eyes.

« Nice one Makki.. »

Hanamaki feels now guilty because he saw Oikawa’s look. So, the pink-haired boy just let himself fall on the couch and snuggles into his boyfriend’s shoulders.

« I thought he was going better. He didn’t talk about his feelings for Iwaizumi anymore.. » Makki says as he really thinks to apologize to his captain, later.

« Yeah..Apparently, he was lying. »

************************************

« Hey, what are you doing in there? All alone? »  
« He has a girlfriend. »

There is a silence. Kuroo doesn’t know how to react. When Oikawa came to the party a few hours ago, he seemed tensed. He didn’t hesitate to take a few drinks, mostly strong alcohol. And then, he disappeared from Kuroo’s vision.  
The Nekoma cat, worried about his friend, decided to look after him. That’s when he found him in his room. Or more precisely on his balcony. The wind goes though Oikawa’s hair and he is so wasted that he can’t stand without the wall’s support.

« Who has a girlfriend? » Kuroo prays he won’t hear Hajime’s name.  
« Who do you think Tetsu-chan? It’s Iwa-chan. He has a girlfriend. I can’t believe it.. » Oikawa answers, still not able to walk on his own.

« Did he tell you? »  
« He sent a message to Makki. He didn’t even tell me..He doesn’t tell me anything anymore ! He didn’t tell me about Australia, now this. What did I do? Wha -»

And it’s like the world stops spinning. Like the ground is literally opening his mouth under Oikawa’s feet. Iwaizumi didn’t tell him about Australia because of his reaction, but if he didn’t tell him about his new girlfriend that’s because..

« I think he knows.. »  
« Knows what Oikawa? » Kuroo frowns, he doesn’t really understand what Oikawa is talking about, mostly because he’s mumbling.

« What does he know Oikawa? » Tetsuro repeats and Tooru just snaps at him.  
« He knows that I’m in love with him. And he hates me for this! »

Kuroo blinks a few times. There is no way Iwaizumi could know about his feelings. He doubts that Oikawa’s friends mentioned it, from what he told him.  
They probably kept the secret and now Tooru was having a serious panic attack. His breathing is hard, his eyes are glossy and he is squirming. So much that Kuroo thinks that he is going to fall off this balcony.

« Oikawa I’m sure it’s not- Oikawa. Oikawa ! »

But Tooru doesn’t listen. He is struggling with the fact that Iwaizumi hates him, and that’s why he doesn’t tell him anything anymore. Because he doesn’t trust him, he finds him disgusting. He can’t live with that. And dying seems so much easier than having your best friend hating you.  
Oikawa doesn’t catch his breath, he hears or rather sees Kuroo talking to him, but he doesn’t care. So he’s still squirming, and moving around and probably even crying at this point but somehow, he ends in Kuroo’s room again. On his bed. With his lips against his.

Tooru stops breathing, his heart slowing down. When he opens his eyes once more (because he closed them on the balcony) he can see Kuroo, out of breath. For a few seconds, Oikawa doesn’t realize what is happening, or what happened to be honest.  
Yet, he manages to ask.

« Did..Did you just kiss me? » His voice is quiet, almost breaking.  
« I, huh..Yeah. »  
« W-why? »  
« You were panicking, you dumbass. It’s the only solution I could think of. »

Okay, so..He had a panic attack and Kuroo kissed him. So why not? It worked, after all.  
After a few seconds, Oikawa starts to laugh. Because he’s pathetic, like for real. Hajime is probably living his best life in Australia and all he can do, is crying and complaining over himself. Like the childish captain he was.

« I’m so stupid..I thought..I really thought that Iwa-chan was going to understand, to see that I was in love with him. But here I am, wondering what did I do wrong. Maybe he was right, maybe..We just weren’t meant to be together. Even as best friends. »

It’s heartbreaking to see Oikawa in this state. He’s fighting so hard to move on but the slightest thing concerning Iwaizumi is like an endless bomb exploding in the boy’s heart. Kuroo can hear Oikawa’s voice shaking, probably trying not to cry, because it would mean that he still has feelings for Iwaizumi, which he does.  
Then, Tooru keeps talking about how stupid and silly he was. How he still is. And Tetsuro doesn’t know why but he wants him to stop. To stop talking and just forget about what happened, about Iwaizumi. He wants him to be happy, even if it’s for a short time.

So Kuroo leans in and with a swift movement, his hand is on Oikawa’s cheek. His meets these chocolate-brow eyes as Tooru stops moving.  
And suddenly, Kuroo kisses him again. Oikawa adapts quickly and soon, his hands are in his hair, mumbling against his lips.

« What are you doing Tetsu-chan?.. »  
« Making you forget.. »

That’s all Kuroo answers. Oikawa knows it’s a bad idea because in the morning, he will probably feel worse but at this exact moment, he doesn’t care.  
If he can forget his dear Iwa-chan, even if it’s just for a night, he will gladly accept it.

Kuroo’s lips fall to Tooru’s neck, licking and sucking this sensitive spot. It will probably end up in a hickey but it’s so good that Oikawa asks for more.  
The Nekoma cat lies his friend down on the bed, on his back and without a second thought, they start to undress. Their clothes falling to the ground.

And soon, the only noises we can hear in this room are Oikawa’s moans.


	2. The silence which keeps you awake at night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeey guys ! Hope you're doing well !
> 
> Finally, chapter 2 is here ! I'm sorry I took so long to post it but I had a lot of work to do, had some exams. Very stressful and everything.  
> I will try to finish chapter 3 as fast as I can. I already started it but I just don't find the time to settle down and to continue.  
> Anyway, I hope you will like it ! A bit angsty, my poor Oikawa is suffering. But, there is also a smut scene hehe. It's my first time writing smut so don't mind if there are some mistakes. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought about it !
> 
> Lots of love <3

Okay so it wasn’t so much of a big deal. In fact, it wasn’t at all. Well, that was what Oikawa wanted to think when he stared the ceiling the next morning after falling asleep besides Kuroo.   
The first thing he noticed was the fact that he wasn’t in his bedroom. That means that he must have been drinking so much he hasn’t been able to go home alone and just fell asleep on Kuroo’s bed.   
But the second thing he noticed was that Kuroo was lying next to him. His pillow on his head that made his hair so spiky. Okay, so maybe..Kuroo was wasted and..He just fell asleep too. Next to him, because he is his friend.   
But, and finally, the third thing the captain noticed is that he was naked. Totally. 

Oikawa blinks for a few seconds, trying to remember what happened las night. He remembers the fact that he drank. A lot. So much that he wonders why he doesn’t feel sick currently. Then, he went to the balcony with Kuroo. They have been talking, he..Cried, for god’s sake. And he cried about Iwaizumi. Again, as he can say. Then..  
Oikawa sighs, slowly reaching for the bed cover. 

« Please, don’t be naked..Don’t be naked.. » Oikawa murmurs as he lifts the cover up. But the world is clearly against him at this exact moment.

Tooru doesn’t want to panic. Why should he be panicking? Because he’s naked in Kuroo’s bed? Because Kuroo is naked too? And because, as he starts to gather his things up, he notices a bruise on his neck?  
No, there is no need to panic. Everything’s fine. Maybe they just kissed a little. Like..drunk friends. But soon, Oikawa understands that they didn’t just kiss when he feels a pain in his lower back. And in his ass.   
Sitting down on the bed, half naked and half dressed, Oikawa takes his head between his hands and tries to calm his breathing down. So what? He slept with Kuroo because he was so desperate about Iwaizumi having a girlfriend that he just wanted to get laid?   
Apparently, the answer is yes. Even if Oikawa doesn’t want to believe it. 

And now, he has two possibilities. One, he gets the hell out of here before Kuroo wakes up and he never talks about what probably happened between them. Or, he wakes Kuroo up and asks him what he remembers exactly.   
And as Oikawa is trying to figure what the best solution is, in his case, the former captain of Nekoma starts to move. He opens his eyes and looks around him. Oikawa doesn’t breathe. He thinks that if he moves, his friend will acknowledge him. But soon, Kuroo looks at Oikawa with his bed hair and mischievous smile. 

« Hey there. Already awake? What about your beauty sleep? » 

If Oikawa wasn’t panicking so much, right now, he would have probably laughed and replied something about how he is so beautiful when he’s sleeping but all he can do is slap Kuroo on his knee.   
Kuroo whines even if it wasn’t that hard of a slap but it’s way too early in the morning. And Kuroo is not ready to deal with Oikawa’s princess attitude right now. What time was it, anyway? 

« Can I know why you’re slapping me? » he asks as he straightens.  
« What the hell happened last night? » Oikawa thinks that Kuroo is still half asleep because he can’t be the only one reacting like this.  
« What do you mean? We slept together. That’s what happened. Oh..I guess you didn’t know, or at least, you don’t really remember. » Kuroo grins, and Oikawa just stares at him like two head have grown on him.

Kuroo doesn’t seem disturbed by the situation. Like, at all. And he perfectly remembers apparently. 

« You look very sexy when you moan, you know? It’s kind of hot, actually. »   
« Can you stop already? Damn it Kuroo, we slept together ! It wasn’t supposed to happen ! I drank too much and..And.. »   
« Yeah, and you were panicking. Like right now. » Kuroo states as a matter of fact and it calms Oikawa down.  
« I..I wasn’t panicking. Not now, or last night. We just..Oh god, I’m sorry Kuroo. I don’t want you to think that I used you, or-.. »  
« Well technically, I was the one who-.. »  
« Okay okay ! Don’t mention it. I know, I..I remember. Just a few things.. » 

Oikawa sighs. He doesn’t know what to say or what to do. But he knows that what he did was wrong. He drank way too much, talked to Kuroo about Iwaizumi and everything is like falling apart because he doesn’t know what to do. In fact, since Iwaizumi’s gone, Oikawa can feel this hole in his heart, in his life.   
He feels like his best friend just abandoned him for so many reasons. Because Hajime had every right to leave, or to put some distance between them. Oikawa clearly knew that he was annoying most of the time. He constantly wanted attention, he still does. He overworked himself so much, still does too. Maybe Iwaizumi just wanted to stop being his mother or a kind of protector.   
Can he blame him? Of course not. 

« I feel like I’m constantly complaining, crying or talking about my problems with Iwa-chan. I’m sorry. I should stop thinking about him when he clearly is not.. » Oikawa sighs again, shaking his head. 

Kuroo feels bad for Oikawa. He knows how much his friend is suffering but there is not much he can do. He can listen to him, hear his pain but he can’t fix him. He can’t fix Oikawa because this kind of pain has to disappear, has to heal from itself.   
So, as the silence is falling down on them, Kuroo puts his underwear on and gets closer from the former captain of Aoba Johsai.   
Slowly, he starts to kiss his naked shoulder. He waits for Oikawa’s reaction. When Kuroo understands that he’s receptive to his kisses, the captain of Nekoma keeps going and starts sucking gently on his neck.   
He can feel that Oikawa likes it. Or at least, that his touch electrifies him by the way he inhales sharply. 

« Tetsu-chan, I..I don’t think that’s a good idea..We’re friends and it will be weird if-.. »  
« Stop thinking so much, Oiks. You liked it last night, why don’t you just relaxe and forget about everything just for a bit more? I can make you feel good. Only if you want to, obviously.. » 

Oikawa knows he shouldn’t feel that way. He knows he shouldn’t like this so much, but last night had been pretty amazing. Even if he had been drunk..well, both of them, they shared some passion. Some intensity. They kissed lovingly, sweetly, they laughed when they bumped noses. Oikawa craved some touch, he needed someone to take care of him and with Iwaizumi gone, probably for good, he had nobody left.   
Of course he had Hanamaki and Matsukawa but they weren’t Hajime. Kuroo neither, but Tooru supposes that he could find some peace with him. Even for a short time.   
He’s heartbroken. Even though Iwaizumi doesn’t know it, doesn’t know Oikawa’s feelings for him, he really wants to hurt him like he did. 

That’s why when he feels Kuroo stopping in his tracks, the brunette just turn his head towards him and whispers. 

« So, what are you waiting for? »

* * *

**[Makki] :** can you get a bottle of milk when you get home? Matsukawa totally forgot and  
now he complains about not having any   
**[Oikawa] :** sure. I’ll get it when I come home from practice. Mattsun had to use his brain for once?  
**[Makki] :** he still is smarter than you though   
**[Oikawa] :** mean Makki ! I thought you loved me !  
**[Makki]** **:** i never said that. Btw, are you eating with us? Or should I keep you some of the yakitori I prepared?  
**[Oikawa] :** Oh I’m huuungry ! Please be my wife Makki !   
**[Makki] :** i take that as a yes then. Be careful, don’t overwork yourself   
**[Oikawa] :** Yes mom ._. 

  
It’s been a few weeks now since Oikawa had sex with Kuroo. He has to admit that he kind of panicked at first. He didn’t know why but he thought that he couldn’t tell Makki and Matsun. Well, he didn’t exactly planned to tell them in fact, but it all came out a morning during breakfast.   
Oikawa was silently sipping his coffee when Matsukawa asks nonchalantly. 

« Did you get laid, Oikawa? » 

Makki frowned for a few seconds before looking at Oikawa who literally choked on his drink. Coughing for at least one minute, the setter answered nervously. 

« Wh-What do you mean Matsun? I-I didn’t ! Why..Why are you asking me? » Oikawa smiled. But a nervous smile.   
« Just wondering. You’ve got a hickey on your neck. That’s why. »   
« What?! »

Oikawa ran before the mirror, making Takahiro laugh as he took a bite of his precious rolled eggs. From where they were, both friends could hear Tooru complain and whine because Tetsu-chan I’m going to kill you before returning in the kitchen with a sigh.   
How was he going to explain this? He could always say that it was a girl from a previous party but the look on his teammates’ face make him understand that they suspect something for a while now.   
Great, as if being hated by his best friend wasn’t enough. Now he would have to leave and-

« You owe me Matsukawa. Give me my money. »   
« Money? What do you mean he owes you money? » Oikawa frowned, a bit confused.  
« We bet the amount of time you would need to tell the truth about your new relationship. Matsukawa thought that you were going to tell us, but I said that you wouldn’t and that we could either hear you moan in your room or get a hickey. So, I won. » Hanamaki replied as Issei handed some money.  
« So..So you knew? This whole time? »   
« Well, we suspected something. You come home late, you smile a bit more, and you go out more often. It wasn’t difficult to understand. »   
« And you don’t mind? I mean..You don’t even know and..And did you tell Iwa-chan? » Oikawa worried. The last thing he wanted was to hear his best friends tell him that he was disgusting. 

« Oikawa, it’s your life. You go out with whoever you want. We won’t tell you what to do. »   
« Yeah. You’re our best friend, we don’t care with who you get laid. We just want you safe and happy. »   
« Guys..I-I was worried about.. » Oikawa didn’t even know how to explain. He just thought that Makki and Matsun wouldn’t understand. Even though these two were dating.   
« Are you going to keep talking about how scared you were for having a sex life or are you going to tell us who it is? » asked Takahiro, a well known grin on his face.

  
Therefore, Oikawa decided to tell them everything. And when we say everything, it’s literally everything. He told them about the parties, the fact that he was still in love with Iwaizumi but that with Kuroo’s help (mostly in the bedroom he could say), he could think about something else and not his aching heart.   
His friends became a bit too curious to his dislike and Oikawa ended blushing when Issei had the nerves to ask him if he was good in bed or if Tooru cried during orgasm. But hey, everything was fine, right? At least, that was what he thought. 

That’s why, after their discussion, Oikawa didn’t need to lie anymore. Kuroo and him were a thing but just a sex thing, can we say.   
They liked each other, were friends and sometimes, when they wanted to have some fun, they slept together. In fact, it wasn’t that much of a big deal.   
So why did Oikawa feel like he was betraying Iwaizumi? This guy was at the other end of the planet, had a stupid girlfriend (well, maybe not stupid but he was definitely jealous), and didn’t care the slightest about him anymore.  
Since Hajime and him didn’t talk as much as they used to, Oikawa took his distances. It’s not like he wanted to, but he couldn’t endure this pain everyday. He really thought at the beginning, that Iwaizumi would come home to him. That they could talk, maybe share their mutual feelings and end up kissing but somehow someone wished him bad luck. Maybe it was this brat of Tobio..

After practice, Oikawa went to the nearest store and bought two bottles of milk. Yes, Makki told him to buy one but he wanted him to bake some milk bread, so. Tired, he couldn’t wait to find his bed after taking a good shower.   
The rain started to pour at the beginning of the evening, which means that Tooru has to run back home in order not to get sick. The night will be cold, without a doubt.  
Coming home after a few hours, Oikawa greeted his best friends and automatically went to the kitchen to find some fresh yakitoris. 

« So, how was practice today? » asks Issei as he takes an apple in his hand.  
« Great. Nothing new to be honest. But you should see Kou-chan’s power. He’s amazing. I’m sometimes scared that his spikes would tear my hand off. »  
« Glad to hear that your team suits you. But it’s not that you can’t adjust to any team, anyway. » Issei kindly murmurs with a small smile « Or anyone. »   
« Huh? What do you mean? »   
« Nothing. Why do you eat so fast, you will end up choking. »  
« I’m hungry! » 

Matsukawa sighs. But smiles wider after a few seconds. It’s great to see Oikawa in this state of mind. Naturally, he and Makki started to worried about him when they saw how much Iwaizumi’s absence was affecting him. Apparently, it’s getting better. Yet, Issei suspects that his friend isn’t telling him everything.   
Oikawa is not the type to reveal all of his secrets, he largely prefers to keep quiet until he explodes. Even if that means to hurt himself.   
As they’re talking, Oikawa hears his phone buzzing but the name on his screen make him feel almost sick. Matsukawa looks at it too, before gazing at his friend.

« You should answer. Or at least call him back. He misses you, you know. »  
« Really? He doesn’t seem to miss me since he doesn’t tell me anything. He’s got a girlfriend, he should be pretty busy. » Oikawa replies, trying to suppress this feeling of jealousy growing up inside his heart.« He’s still you best friend. And..try to think the other way around. You would be mad too if he always ditched your calls or if he ghosted you. » 

Matsukawa goes back to the living room, letting Oikawa and his buzzing phone alone. Oh damn it. Why is he always right?   
Taking his cellphone into his hand, Tooru can feel his heart pounding in his chest. It’s been days, maybe weeks that he didn’t have a real conversation with Hajime. And he must admit he misses it. So, crossing the living room, he locks himself into his room and finally answers when the ringing tone is almost over.   
At the moment he picks up, he can perfectly hear Iwaizumi’s angry voice through it.

« Damn it Asskawa ! Why do you take so much time to pick up your phone? »   
« I..huh..Sorry, I just came back from practice and I was hungry, so.. »   
« Oh. » starts Iwaizumi, and Oikawa can almost think he’s worried about him. « I hope you didn’t overwork yourself as you usually tend to. And that you eat properly. »   
« I’m not overworking myself ! Who do you think I am? » the brunet responds with a sigh.  
« An idiot who always wants to be perfect. Even at volleyball. »   
« Mean Iwa-chan ! It’s not because you have gigantic arms that everyone’s like you! »

Tooru thinks he can almost feel his heart explode when he hears Hajime’s laugh through the phone. It’s not something that he’s not used to, but it’s definitely something that he didn’t hear for a long time now.  
And it shouldn’t be like that. They were best friends, since they were young. They were supportive for each other, they spent so much time together. When did it became like this? When did they start to act like..Strangers?  
Oikawa can’t help himself from thinking that he did something wrong and starts to regret avoiding all Iwaizumi’s call or texts. But how was he supposed to heal his broken heart when his best friend kept acting like there was nothing wrong?   
A silence occurred, making both boys hold their breaths. At the other end of the phone, Iwaizumi waits for Oikawa to say something more. Because let’s be honest, the captain always has something to say. Even if it was something stupid. And Hajime would listen to him, pretend he didn’t care, pretend he annoyed him when in fact, he did care. He did listen to Oikawa.   
But now, something’s different. It’s like a bridge which is slowly falling down. There is a crack between them, for so many reasons but mostly one, that Iwaizumi doesn’t suspects at all.   
If Oikawa told him about his feelings for him since the beginning, would have it changed something? Maybe. Maybe not. 

« I’m not used to you being quiet. Are you answering all you fangirls while I’m on the phone? » Iwaizumi demands with a will to make him laugh. Or even react.   
« I didn’t have so many fangirls Iwa-chan! Not even in high school ! » 

And obviously, Oikawa reacted at his best friend’s provocation because that’s how he is. That’s how Hajime is. They always provoke each other.   
But Oikawa often wondered if there was a hidden message behind all of this. In his dreams, Iwaizumi would have told him that yes, he was doing all of this to dram the brunet’s attention. He would have confessed his feelings and..Well, a happy ending. But they weren’t in some kind of shōjo manga. It was reality. And reality sucks.

« Are you kidding me? They were constantly over you shittykawa! Offering you presents, chocolates. They even wanted pictures with you ! »  
« It’s not my fault if I’m too beautiful for this world Iwa-chan. I’m maybe even as beautiful as a God ! I just need his powers and everyone would kneel before me. » Oikawa playfully responds, because it seems that they’re back in high school when Iwaizumi was about to throw the ball at his head for not being focused.

« Are you seriously saying that, now? I can’t even deal with you stupidity. It’s just too much. I’m sure Hanamaki and Matsukawa want to throw you out. »  
« Whyyy? Are you jealous Iwa-chan? That I get to have all the attention when you’re left behind? Maybe Makki and Matsun wanted me to live with them. And not you ! »

Oikawa laughs. For the first time in some weeks now, he finally laughs again with his best friend. And it feels great, because the brunette thought that he would never be the same anymore or that they wouldn’t laugh like they used too.   
Deep down, Tooru wants to think that he got over his feelings for Iwaizumi but it’s not the case. He tries to silence this little voice in his head which tells him go on, why don’t you confess? It’s not that hard.  
She’s right. It’s not that hard. It’s not a big deal. So many people confess everyday. However, the outcome isn’t always what we could think of. Some people have luck. They got to confess to their crush and it happens that this crush, responds to their feelings. Why should it be different for him? Well, because Iwaizumi isn’t like most people, to start.   
He is..He’s like the moon. Yeah not the sun, the moon. The sun shines too bright and Iwaizumi isn’t known to be the kind of guy that make the girls scream. Unlike him, obviously.   
No, Hajime is the light of Oikawa’s dark and sleepless nights. He’s the one who will answer to his calls or texts at three a.m in the morning. When the stress is eating Oikawa alive, when the fact that his team lost because of him was too much to bear, when he lost facing Ushiwaka. Iwaizumi is the one who will listen to him when his cheeks are red from crying too much, when he breaks down too easily, when he hurts himself thinking that he could have been a better captain, setter, best friend. He’s here when he’s smiling, when he teases him, when he provokes him because that’s what best friends do.   
He’s here to clear the path when it gets blurry, cloudy. Cold. Hajime is the one he trusts the most, everybody knows that.   
Iwaizumi is the one who said that the six stronger will win. That he was not alone.   
But in the end, they didn’t win. They did lost. And he was alone. 

Suddenly, it’s like a bit of the truth comes out. They are not together anymore, they don’t play volleyball anymore, Iwaizumi isn’t Seijo’s ace anymore. And they probably aren’t so much of best friends anymore either.   
While laughing and thinking about the fact Iwaizumi will never understands how much he means to Oikawa, the brunette realizes his best friend isn’t.   
It’s a strange feeling which grows in Tooru’s heart. It’s pounding, his whole body starts to tremble. He suddenly feels his palms getting sweaty, he’s nervous and doesn’t know why.   
Actually, he knows why. He knows at the exact moment he asks Iwaizumi. 

« Are you, Iwa-chan?.. » 

It’s not the usual question Oikawa always asked Iwaizumi when they were in high school. It’s different. There is something hidden behind these words.   
Deep down, the setter wants Iwaizumi to tell him that yes, he’s jealous. That he can’t stand the fact so many fangirls are drooling all over him. Simply because he wants to be Oikawa’s center of attention. But Iwaizumi didn’t even know that Tooru was gravitating around him.   
Why would he ask this by the way? To hurt himself a bit more when Hajime tells him it’s not the case? Or when the answer is just some stupid sarcasm, some stupid joke? Oikawa feels sick.   
Not because of the answer his best friend could give, but mostly because Iwaizumi will discover his horrible little secret. The disgusting truth and he will hate him for this. Who wouldn’t? You can’t just ask your best friend if he’s jealous of some fangirls after weeks of not talking.   
Oikawa feels his heart tightens as the silence becomes more and more heavy between them. So..Is this the end? 

« Maybe. » Iwaizumi mutters, almost so quietly Oikawa can’t hear him. 

The setter doesn’t know how to respond, to be honest. He just sits on his bed, eyes wide as his breath accelerates.   
As a matter of fact, Tooru thought his best friend was going to answer with a joke, or some stupid comment but the air suddenly changed and now, the brunette doesn’t even know what to say. In fact, he does. Because there is so much to say. And maybe, just maybe the gods are being kind to him. Maybe it’s time for Oikawa to confess, even though he’s not sure about Iwaizumi’s feelings.   
Tooru knows Hajime. He knows when it’s time to ask something, when it’s time to shut up. Usually, they don’t need to talk to understand each other silences but tonight, it was definitely different.   
Oikawa needs to put some words on what he’s feeling, needs to provoke Iwaizumi. It’s the only way instead of admitting that he misses so much it hurts. That he needs him besides him, laughing at his stupid behavior, slapping him with a ball, tell him how stupid he is. So why is it so hard to explain it? Sentiment was always a disadvantage for the setter, even in high school he let his emotions take the best of him.

« Iwa-chan I-.. » 

Suddenly there is some noise behind Iwaizumi and soon, the spiker excuses himself. 

« I’m sorry Oikawa, I totally forgot that my roommates wanted to go out. I don’t want to make you wait tonight, so could we talk tomorrow? » 

His throat hurts, and with a smile, he answers. 

« Yeah, don’t worry Iwa-chan. Don’t make your friends wait for you. I’m tired anyway, so..Bye I guess? »   
« You’re the best Oikawa ! Take care and say hi to Matsukawa and Hanamaki. » 

The call ends, filling the room with complete silence. The only light in Oikawa’s room is his little lamp with aliens on it. Lamp that Iwaizumi got him for his birthday a few years ago. But somehow, it feels like it doesn’t belong here anymore.  
There is too much of Iwaizumi everywhere. Pictures, games, scent, even his damn clothes he forgot at Oikawa’s house and never took back.   
Too much memories which float in the setter's mind. Too much feelings in his heart. 

Without realizing it, his face is in his hands and soon, tears start to fall down his cheeks. There is nothing he can do to stop it. He misses his best friend so fucking much, anger begins to rise in his chest.   
He never wanted all of this. Oikawa just wished for them to be happy at college, playing volleyball together but nothing ever happened. He almost thinks that they’re supposed to break. That all of their friendship is falling down and there is nothing to stop it. Nothing he can do.   
Like when they lost against Shiratorizawa. Against Karasuno. When his teammates started to cry because of him. Because he wasn’t that good of a setter. He couldn’t lift them to the top. 

So, the truth is that it hurts like hell. It hurts to know that, even with all these efforts, they got nothing. He got nothing. 

If Oikawa thought that it was going to get better, that he didn’t need Iwaizumi anymore, he was wrong. So wrong.   
Because the only thing which allows him to breathe is Iwaizumi’s presence. 

And he is not there. He won’t be anymore. 

* * *

  
The room is quite silent apart from some moans or even desperate sighs. 

It’s been a few days now since Iwaizumi called Oikawa. It didn’t end well, at least not the way the brunette wanted to. He was about to confess his feelings and the second after, some stupid roommates decided to look for Hajime. Couldn’t they go out without him?  
Ah, the jealousy Oikawa keeps in his heart is so strong it makes him angry everytime he thinks about this call. It wasn’t only because Iwaizumi almost hung up on his nose, it mostly was because he called them « friends ». What does that mean? Were they better than Makki and Matsun? Worse, were they better than him?   
He was supposed to be his best friend, why isn’t Hajime acting like it anymore? Does he know how much Oikawa cares? How much he cried that night, thinking his broken heart would never heal?   
Obviously and without Tooru knowing, his two other friends heard him sob until late. But what could they do about it? Matsun told Makki it wasn’t a good idea to go see Oikawa at this exact moment. He would feel so ashamed, he who said that he was over his favorite spiker. They knew it was a lie, but were they going to rub it in his face? Of course not. So, to be honest, they didn’t quite know what to do and the harshest thing they had to go through was to hear Oikawa crying himself to sleep.   
Man, why were these two so stupid, sometimes?

The next morning, the lights made Oikawa open his eyes. A bit lost at first, the boy noticed he was still in yesterday clothes, he didn’t even bother to put his pyjamas on. Probably because he fell asleep before he could do it.   
As he straightens, the pain in his skull made him frown. Headache? Maybe. But it was already too strong. Great, now he had to deal with a migraine all day long. How was he even going to practice? Anyway, he supposed that the best thing to do today, was to study a bit and if his migraine eventually disappeared, he would go to practice.   
By the time he made his way to the kitchen, Makki and Matsun were already eating their breakfast and offered him a smile.   
A cup of coffee, a few eggs, a piece of bread, and Oikawa was off. His two friends sharing a look as they decided not to ask him how it went with Iwaizumi. 

Which brings us to now. Remember when we said that Kuroo and Oikawa used to be closer than friends? Well, that’s exactly what was happening.   
Angry and needy at the same time, the brunette wanted to enjoy some time with Nekoma’s former captain. Mostly because he had to forget Iwaizumi. Yeah, he didn’t really want to but he had to. He couldn’t keep thinking about his best friend who didn’t care about him anymore. What he needed right now was some physical touches, something a bit rough.   
Sitting on Kuroo’s lap on his couch, Tooru let his lips wander down his jaw, along his neck. His scent filling his nostrils. It was something rich, a bit spicy like his personality. Mostly amber with a touch of musk.   
Iwaizumi had this scent of summer, you could almost scent his tanned skin. Feeling the sun on it, a bit of coconut, maybe even vanilla. Yeah, it was terrifying the way the brunette knew his friend’s scent. 

« We should go to my room. Bokuto could come home anytime.. » Kuroo sighs as he tilts his head back, slightly shivering under Oikawa’s mouth. « You’re quite eager today, Oiks. What’s happening? » a mischievous smile grows on his lips.

« Does it bother you? » Oikawa avoids his second question, refusing to admet that he needed to get a special spiker out of his head.

« Not one bit. But there’s a problem, you know? » 

« Oh. What is it? I can stop if you want. »  
« I mean you’ve got too many clothes on. » 

With that, Kuroo takes Oikawa’s shirt off, tossing it somewhere in the room. It doesn’t matter right now, they both don’t care about who could see them. And Tetsuro is known to be this little bastard, a master of provocation.  
Cupping Oikawa’s face, his lips brushed against his for a few seconds. There is this little electricity between them that they can’t ignore. But deep down Kuroo knows that Tooru has got someone else in mind, and in his heart.   
Oikawa is the first to break, his lips meeting his mouth. Their kisses are purely sexual, they want the other’s body for any reasons they find good. Oikawa delicately licks Kuroo’s lower lip, slightly opening his mouth to finally meet his tongue.   
It’s like a sensual dance between them, each one wants to take control and mostly Oikawa who wishes he was like that when Iwaizumi was by his side.   
But Kuroo doesn’t want to let him win that easily, and he gladly sinks his teeth into Tooru’s lip with a grin. His hands are touching his torso, stopping when they find the setter’s nipples. Nibbling them just enough to make him moan in their kisses.   
Oikawa wants to laugh because he’s already addicted to Tetsu-chan touches. He craves for more, he desires him more than anything at this moment even though he doesn’t know why. 

As their kisses become rougher, Kuroo straightens closing the small space between them and soon, their chests collide as his hand touches Tooru’s back. The brunette is the one to put his hands into Kuroo’s hair to keep him close like he wants to. Their dances continues, but the sudden voice of Tetsuro breaks their almost perfect silence. 

« As I said, you’re kind of eager today. »  
« Do I have to do all the work or are you going to fuck me properly? » Oikawa questions, massaging Kuroo’s already hard crotch beneath him.   
« So impatient, I can’t believe it.. » 

Soon, the former Captain of Nekoma pushes Oikawa on the couch, hovering him with his size. Isn’t he a bit taller by the way?   
Taking his own shit off, the cat leaves a trail of kisses on Tooru’s chest, making sure he will be marked as he goes home later. But at the sound Oikawa is making, he supposes that he likes it.   
Glancing at him, Kuroo can’t help himself from smiling because the sight of the setter moaning beneath him is way too arousing.  
Their pants soon off, following with their underwear, Oikawa can feel some sweat on his forehead. They’re both hard and feeling relieved to be free from their clothes. The temperature suddenly rises up, also breaking the silence by the way the two boys kiss and touch each other.  
But as Kuroo reaches Tooru’s manhood, the setter flips them so his friend takes his place. Oikawa has an arrogant smile on his face, his eyes showing off a well known desire.   
Kuroo doesn’t wait for putting his hands on Oikawa’s waist, sinking into the couch.  
Tooru’s fingertips wander around his neck, looking at the marks he left on his skin. Proud of his art and mostly because Kuroo shivers at his touch, the brunette goes finally down. Leaving a few kisses here and there, Oikawa carefully takes his friend’s member into his delicate palm.   
Kuroo jerks at the sudden touch and instantly bites his lip. The setter doesn’t miss it and puts a bit more pressure on it causing Tetsuro to let out a groan.  
They’re both hot from all of this and can’t wait for more.« Who’s eager now? » Oikawa teases, licking his lip in anticipation.

Slowly his fingers are starting to go up and down, Kuroo’s moans filling the room. He almost want to beg his friend to go faster. But he knows Oikawa waits for this. His hips twitch again, making them go forward, against Oikawa’s hand.  
A silence laugh escapes the boy’s lips as he can’t get enough of this sight. So, his mouvements quicken in a way that Tooru can feel his mouth watered. He wants more, he wants to feel the cat inside him. He wants him to break him, to mark him.

« Oikawa if you keep going I’m-..Fuck.. »   
« I can’t hear you Tetsu-chan..You have to speak louder. »   
« Damn you..I’m going to cum if you don’t stop.. » Kuroo says with difficulty, mostly between moans.  
« Then cum for me..I can’t wait to see your face as I do this. » Oikawa puts suddenly a bit more pressure on Kuroo’s manhood.

The poor cat feels he’s about to come, but his friend stops abruptly. Why was he doing this? Kuroo frowns, breathing a bit harder than he should. There is this sparkle in Tooru’s eyes which says that he’s enjoying this way more than he should be. But could he blame him? Oikawa only wants to have fun to forget Iwaizumi and he would do the same thing at his place. He wasn’t hurting anyone, quite the contrary. And Tetsuro feels too well to stop everything now. 

« What are you doing Oikawa? You can’t just-.. » 

But before he can say anything else, Oikawa kisses him again and Kuroo feels his hands wandering in his hair once more.  
Soon, the cat flips them off, Oikawa ending beneath him. Exchanging a smile, Kuroo leans to take his pants, founding a condom in his wallet. Tooru can’t help but laugh at this sight as his friend shots him a strange look.  
Coming back to his lips, he can’t help but ask. 

  
« What are you laughing about? »

« Tetsu-chan, are you always ready for me? » Oikawa teases as he observes the cat kiss his knee before putting it on his shoulder. 

« I know you’re often horny so..I need to be prepared. » 

Oikawa blushes furiously. He wasn’t that horny but it was true that since they began having sex together, the setter always wanted more even if they were in a public place. Of course, Oikawa could resist to the urge of Kuroo taking him furiously behind closed doors but still, but he can’t say that he didn’t think about it once or twice.  
Tooru just noticed that..Well, Kuroo was beautiful. His black and thick hair was all over on his face, his torso was covered with a bit of sweat and he had this grin on his lips. His deep voice makes him shiver and his eyes became a bit darker. It’s just so sexy that Oikawa feels way more excited.   
The cat slowly lifts his fingers and points them towards his friend’s mouth. The brunette knows exactly what to do so he opens his mouth and soon, he begins to suck sensually Kuroo’s fingertips.   
And if Oikawa was way more excited, it was Tetsuro’s turn as he watches the setter doing this sucking thing all too well. He got used to it. So much that he doesn’t break their eye contact, provocation hidden behind his beautiful eyes. 

  
« Fuck, Oiks you’re so hot. But you already know that, right? » 

Yeah, he knows that he’s sexy with this layer of sweat on his forehead. With the way he moves his lips on Kuroo’s fingers. It’s so sexy the younger one can’t help but groan. Oikawa teases him, he knows it. He wants to test his limits but the cat is a bit impatient.   
Taking his hand back, Kuroo doesn’t wait to push one into Tooru’s ass. Step by step. Slowly at first, just to tease him like he did before and seeing Oikawa moving beneath him is just so satisfying. So he pushes his finger a bit more before sliding it all the way in.   
Oikawa bits his lip, rocking involuntarily his hips towards him. He already wants more, this isn’t enough. Tetsuro doesn’t make him wait too much and pushes a second finger in, curling them, stroking them to see his friend’s reaction. His face is already twisted with pleasure.   
If Kuroo is good at reading blocks, he also learnt what makes Oikawa scream, what will make him feel good. So it’s no surprise that he already found his prostate by adding a third finger.

  
« A-Ah..Tetsu-chan..It feels so good.. » Oikawa can’t help but moan, feeling his cock getting harder.

Pushing it deeper, Tooru lets out a scream and throws his head back, unable to understand how Kuroo could find his sensitive spots so quickly. Leaning towards him, the cat murmurs at his ear with his dark voice. 

« You want more Oikawa? » 

Oikawa stutters something that Kuroo doesn’t quite catch but he knows exactly what he wants. He just wants him to say it. He wants him to beg.   
« What? I can’t hear you. »   
« Please Tetsu-chan..I want to feel you inside me. I want more..Please more.. » 

Kuroo grins, pulling away his fingers so that the real fun can begin. His condom on his dick, the black haired boy places himself in front of his friend’s entrance. Oikawa doesn’t seem stressed anymore. Not like the first time.   
Kuroo suspects that Oikawa probably wanted Iwaizumi to be his first time but here they were. Enjoying themselves a bit too much.   
Glancing at him, Oikawa just nods to make him understand that he’s ready. So the cat slowly and tenderly pushes himself inside, making them both moan at the feeling. The pleasure is already so much overwhelming that Oikawa fears that he might faint. But it’s not the case, mostly because Kuroo starts to move after a few minutes. However, the cat makes sure that Tooru had time to adjust.   
If it first started slow and gentle, Oikawa soon asks Kuroo to speed up, making the captain laugh. Always eager, huh?  
Their hips move in sync, Tooru slidding his sweaty palms the long of his friend’s back, scratching him due to all this pleasure as Kuroo leaves some marks on Oikawa’s neck. They’re already panting and they can feel the desire burning them way too much.   
Oikawa can’t help spreading a bit more his legs to allow the cat to slam his dick into his ass. He is literally a moaning mess and almost crying when Tetsuro takes his manhood in his hand, starting a handjob so quickly.

« You’re always so tight Oiks..It seems you like having me inside you, right Kitten? »  
« Tetsu-chan..Fuck me harder. Or do I have to ask somebody else?.. » Oikawa grins even with these little tears at the corner of his eyes.

Kuroo frowns, and in a matter of seconds, his hips rocks against Oikawa’s making him scream for more.   
Tooru wants to lose himself in the pleasure. Because no matter how hard he tries to deny it, he still has this call in his head. He still can hear Iwaizumi telling that maybe..Just maybe he was a bit jealous. But maybe, he just misunderstood him. Like he always does lately. And it would be a lie to say he didn’t imagine Iwaizumi fucking him like that, instead of Kuroo. But that’s just his imagination. Nothing more. It will never happen. Still, when he closes his eyes, Iwaizumi’s figure appears. His voice in his ears, his hands on his skin, his kisses.   
He desires his best friend so much it might drive him crazy. He wants to feel Iwaizumi fuck him like that, marking his territory. He wants to scream his name. Oikawa wonders if Hajime thinks about him when he makes love to his girlfriend. He really hopes. 

Kuroo entwines his fingers with his, squeezing them tightly as he moans become a bit louder. Oikawa’s always so tight, making him lose control. Becoming rougher as much as Oikawa wants to. The brunette has this kind of control of people, he can push them to their limits. And if it was true when he was captain, it still is today.  
Oikawa wants to see the true potential of his teammates but it counted for his partners too apparently.   
With each thrusts, Kuroo didn’t know how long he was going to last. The pleasure was growing and Oikawa too, could feel that he was on the edge. 

« I’m..I’m going to cum, Tetsu-chan.. »   
« Then cum with me.. Oh fuck Oikawa... » Kuroo sighs as he takes one of the brunettes nipples between his lips. 

Oikawa throws once again his head back, wrapping his thin legs around Kuroo’s waist to get him closer and so, letting his cock bumping his prostate a bit more.  
Tetsuro squeezes Tooru’s thigh with so much strength that it might leave a few marks on his pale skin. But right now, neither of them minded.  
As the cat feels Oikawa tighten around his cock, Kuroo slams his hips forward once again and finally, the brunette let out a sob trying to hide it while bitting his lip. The ecstasy was way too intense.   
At the same time, Tetsuro comes too in a groan of pleasure, scratching his friend’s skin. 

Their heavy breathing is the only sound that breaks the silence in the room. They are still both hot from their orgasm and shuddering from all this pleasure.   
Oikawa can’t deny that sex with Kuroo is always intense and purely great. He likes it. He likes it so much that he often wants a second round. Mostly because they start kissing again.   
About to take the lead the door opens suddenly, a joyful voice making them jump as they try to get their clothes without being seen. Bad move, though.

« Bokuto-san, you can’t just put so much sugar in your coffee. It’s not good.. »   
« But it’s sooo good, Akaashi. I mean, if Starbucks put more sugar in their coffees I wouldn’t have to- Oh my god ! My eyes! »

Kuroo manages to hide Oikawa’s naked body with his own, and even though Bokuto and Akaashi are turning away, the feeling of embarrassment is still there. Quickly putting their clothes on, Kuroo can’t help but frown as he hides his used condom into a pile of tissues.  
Oikawa is literally crimson at this point, he doesn’t even dare to look into his friend’s eyes. He could deal with Bokuto, but Akaashi..He looked so pure and innocent that he didn’t want to defile him.

« Bo, I thought you said you were only coming home at 5.PM. What happened to that? » Kuroo asks, crossing the living room to throw the tissues away.  
« Huh..It’s 5.30, already. I’m even late. Hi Oikawa. I was going to ask if you were doing good but as I can see, you are. » Bokuto says with a grin.  
« Bokuto-san, it doesn’t concern you. » 

Both Akaashi and Bokuto are starting to discuss about the fact that Oikawa and Kuroo needed privacy to which Bokuto answers that they were fucking on the couch and so that they didn’t get to have a bit of privacy.  
Anyway, once Tooru has his clothes on, he can’t help but smile nervously. Being watched having sex with Kuroo wasn’t one of his kinks. Akaashi offers him a gentle smile as he sits down on the couch across the sofa. Bokuto can’t help but tease his cat friend about the fact that now, the couch wasn’t a safe place to sit on anymore. Kuroo just answers that if he really wanted to, he could have done it anywhere with Oikawa and that the owl was just jealous because he couldn’t do the same with Akaashi.

« So..It’s a bit embarrassing, I must say. » Oikawa admits as he shakes his head, his cheeks still red.  
« Don’t mind. We didn’t see much, Kuroo-san covered you. » 

Obviously, as the two setter were discussing about what Akaashi was doing here and how was Oikawa, Kuroo and Bokuto finally asked with a smile plastered on their face. « Akaashi and I were going to order some pizzas and maybe watch a movie. Oikawa, do you stay with us? »  
« Are you sure I’m not disturbing? I mean, I don’t want to impose. » Oikawa says, a little frown on his face.  
« Of course not ! So, you’re staying? »

Oikawa didn’t get to have much of a choice in the end. So, the brunette agreed and decided what pizza he would like to eat. Supposing that he was maybe going to sleep here if it was too late for him to go home, Oikawa took out his phone and sent a text to Makki and Matsun, telling them that he would probably staying the night.  
After that and some conversation, the pizza man arrived with the food as Oikawa and Akaashi were looking for a movie to watch.  
Bokuto and Kuroo had way too much, it was almost impossible to make a decision. 

« What do you think about an horror-movie Oikawa-san? »  
« Hm..I wonder who will scream first. I’m sure Tetsu-chan is in fact, scared as a little girl. »  
« I can say that Bokuto-san isn’t better, since he hides behind his fingers, so he doesn’t see half of the film. »

Laughing together, Oikawa can feel his fingers wandering through all the dvd his friends had. But soon, a cover catches his attention. Taking the said dvd in his hands, Tooru can feel his heart tighten. Godzilla..He never knew Kuroo had this film, but most of all it reminds him of Iwaizumi who is literally a huge nerd about it.   
He remembered going to the cinema with Makki and Matsukawa. At first, Oikawa hadn’t been really enthusiastic about it, but when he understood how much Iwaizumi wanted to see this movie, Tooru gave up and went with his friends. It had been a good evening though, as they laughed so much his ribs had started to hurt. They even went to eat some ramens after this. Yeah, Oikawa would have given anything just to go back in time and enjoy some more with his best friend. But it was over, so he had to move on one way or another.  
However, his eyes starts to burn him, no he wasn’t going to cry just for a stupid film he doesn’t even like. Akaashi, who sees his concern, slowly takes the dvd from his hands and says.

« Maybe we should find another one. What do you think? »

Oikawa smiles a tiny bit, silently thanking Akaashi for his intervention before they can hear Kuroo and Bokuto coming back with the pizzas in their hands.  
Oikawa had to admit, he had fun with the three of them. The movie was absolutely terrible, filled with ghosts and jump scares. They obviously didn’t let the lights on, making Bokuto scream each time Kuroo touched his arm or his leg.   
Akaashi on the other hand didn’t seem too much bothered about it, but Oikawa still managed to notice how well he cuddled against the owl just to be safe.  
So yeah, with friends like this, with Makki and Matsun, how could something go wrong?

But something happened. Because something always has to happen.


	3. Dying to know. Afraid to find out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeey guys ! 
> 
> First of all : HAPPY BIRTHDAY OIKAWAAAAA ! Happy birthday to a wonderful and very human character.
> 
> It's finally here ! Chapter three is here.
> 
> To be honest, I'm not so proud of this chapter, I took so much time to end it and I don't know why.  
> But here we are ! I hope you're going to like it because the angst and a bit of drama is coming in the next chapters. 
> 
> By the way, did you see the ending of Haikyuu? I don't want to spoil anything but I really liked it. I'm going to miss it so much, however I can't wait to see how they are going to animate it.
> 
> Take care you all ! <3

« Should we tell him? We probably should. Don’t you think?»

« Yeah and then, he’s going to murder us because we did. Are you serious? »

« We can’t just..Sit here and say nothing! If he asks about him, what are you going to say? Are you going to lie straight to his face? »

« No ! But if he tells him, he’s going to worry. He doesn’t need that either. »

« Oh because there is nothing to worry about, right? Everything’s fine and everybody’s happy! »

« I didn’t say that ! Don’t twist my words, Makki. I’m just-.. »

« Then we are going to tell Iwaizumi that Oikawa hurt himself while practicing. And that right now he’s at the hospital. If you don’t tell him, I will. »

It all happened so fast.

It started a few days after the movie night at Kuroo and Bokuto’s flat. While he was practicing, Oikawa had started to feel a weird sensation in his right knee. But since he already had this problem in high school, he didn’t worry about it. Not that much.

So, between studying, stressing about his exams, fighting with Iwaizumi on the phone because they didn’t get to talk as much as they used to and saying that their friendship was crumbling, Oikawa started to fall into this self destruction once again. It was like the brunet needed to prove himself he was still worth it. That he was still worthy of his previous title as the captain of Aoba Johsai. So he practiced, late at night. Between classes. When he knew he had some free time.

Obviously, he had to lie about it and mostly to Makki and Matsun who started to suspect something when they saw him limp after coming home at ten o’clock. Tooru came up with an excuse, pretending he fell down the stairs at college.

He came up with many excuses by the way. That he was at Kuroo’s flat to study, that he was running, that his classes finished later than he had thought.

But if Oikawa was thinking he would break down in his room, he broke down on court. In front of his friends. The pain was..Unbearable. It was like someone was bouncing on his knee or stabbing him with a knife or something.  
The noise had been awful, and soon there had been a silence. Kuroo was the first one to run towards the setter, worried about what had happened.

« Oikawa ! Oh my god, are you okay? »

Oikawa didn’t know what to answer. He didn’t know if he was okay or not. But his stubbornness took the best of him and so, the brunet decided to get up. Or at least, that’s what he had thought.  
  
« I’m fine, I swear. I just tri-.. »

Oikawas had started, but the pain made him flinch and he couldn’t stand up anymore. This weird sensation he felt at the beginning was now a burning sensation. Even if Oikawa wanted to ignore his knee, his pain and the humiliation, he knew this suffering well too much.  
When he had lift his eyes towards Kuroo, his voice broke. Because it should have been Iwaizumi in front of him. If he had been there, none of this would have happened. The raven always knew Oikawa’s habits of self destruction but he still abandoned him. He still left him behind.That’s why he was feeling like an idiot, that’s why his heart was so broken he couldn’t even move on. That’s why his knee hurt him way too much. Yes, it was all Iwaizumi’s fault.  
  
« I think..I think I hurt my knee.. »  
  
With that, Kuroo and Bokuto took Oikawa to the hospital as fast as they could. The two friends were asked to wait for the setter so the doctor could examine him. Obviously, Kuroo decided to call Hanamaki and Matsukawa to make them know where Oikawa was. Tetsuro had already met Tooru’s friends, mostly because they ended up studying together in his room. He had to admit that they were really nice and funny, it was always a delight to see them tease Oikawa. After a little while, Hanamaki and Matsukawa came to see how Oikawa was doing.

They talked with Bokuto and Kuroo, wondering how all of this happened. Apparently, it has been very sudden. Oikawa has been ready to serve, jumped and ended on the floor. But why? He hadn’t been practicing that much.  
  
« He told us he often came to your flat to study. And he always came home pretty late, so.. » Makki started with a sigh.

  
« Yeah, he did but not..That much, if I can say. He told me he wanted to study alone because he couldn’t focus with too much noise around him. » Kuroo replied with a frown.

« So he lied..This idiot, lied to us. I can’t believe it. »

Matsukawa shook his head. Hanamaki and him knew that this was going to happen. Iwaizumi wasn’t here with them anymore, Oikawa’s pillar wasn’t here. They hadn’t been careful, they had thought Oikawa was recovering when he clearly was not. What kind of friends were they? Anyway, after a while, Takahiro and Issei went to buy some coffee and that’s when they decided to tell Iwaizumi.

However, Matsukawa clearly didn’t want to. Because he knew damn well that Hajime was going to come home just to be sure Oikawa was fine. And to slap him at the same time. They had to find a solution. They had to take care of Tooru.  
  
Sitting on his bed, listening to the doctor in front of him, Tooru could feel his eyes watering. Or almost. Because he clearly didn’t want this guy to see him cry. But the diagnosis fell : he sprained his knee. Nothing that can’t be undone, with some rest, painkillers and mostly patience, it will soon get back to normal. But here we are, Oikawa doesn’t know what to do. He’s scared he screwed up his chances to go on a national team. He’s scared he will once again loose against an invisible strength. That he will loose against himself. Against the world.

He tries to listen, he really does but all he can think about is the fact that he injured his knee again. And that Iwaizumi will scream at him because he will worry way too much. All of this because of him.  
Of course he doesn’t want that, but maybe Iwaizumi will show a little interest in him. Like he did before going to Australia. He misses his angry face so much..  
Without noticing it, the doctor is gone and his friends came into his field of vision. Kuroo and the others looked worried, obviously. But Hanamaki and Matsukawa looked also angry, and they had good reasons. They probably understood at this point that he had been lying to them.  
  
« Hey, how are you doing? What did the doctor tell you? » Bokuto asks, not as energetic as usual. It wasn’t the right time, anyway.

« I..huh.. » Oikawa starts, looking down at his feet. What was he supposed to say? What did the doctor tell him by the way? Oh yeah, that’s right. « I sprained my knee. It’s not..That bad, but I need to rest. It also happened because I’m stressed or something..I probably need to go see a sport therapist, just to be sure. »

That meant that he wasn’t going to be able to practice. That he had to stay at home, studying. But he could deal with that. What he could not deal with, was definitely Iwaizumi. Oh my God, he was going to destroy him. They were going to shatter even more.

With a terrified look on his face, Oikawa looked at Makki and Matsun, asking.

« You didn’t tell Iwa-chan, right? Tell me you didn’t! »

« I..We.. » Hanamaki starts, rubbing his neck.

« Makki ! »

« We didn’t. But Hanamaki wants to tell him. » Matsukawa adds with a sigh.

« Because you don’t want to tell him? » This time, it was Hanamaki who sighs.

« It’s on Oikawa. He has to decided if he-.. »

« I don’t want to. I don’t want to tell him. » Oikawa assures, a serious look on his face.

« Oikawa, you can’t just hide it from Iwaizumi. He will eventually know about it and it’s going to be even worse. »

« Well, it’s none of his business anymore since he’s not there so I don’t see why I would tell him. »

« Maybe because he’s your best friend? »

« Of course. » Oikawa laughs humorlessly. Could he even say that they were still best friend at this point? « I don’t want to tell him. And I’m asking you not to do it either. If you do, I won’t forgive you. »

« But-.. »

« Please, Makki. Matsun.. »

And even though Oikawa didn’t want to look affected by the situation, Hanamaki could easily tell that he was trying to hide his pain behind his cold voice and harsh words. However, his eyes didn’t lie. They would never.

In the end, Hanamaki and Matsukawa didn’t tell anything to Iwaizumi. At first, they thought it would be okay. That they would handle it. But they weren’t him, they weren’t Oikawa’s childhood friend. They weren’t his pillar. So it was much more complicated to convince him not to put so much pressure on his knee.

They even had to threaten him at some point and scaring him about the fact they were going to tell Iwaizumi if he didn’t listen to them. Strangely, Oikawa did as they told and did his best to rest.

The doctor had been clear, in order to recover quickly and to be able to keep practicing, Tooru had to stay at home or at least most of the time. Ice and compression were the two things which helped him not to feel the pain too much.

However, the days were long. Too long for his liking. Even though he had to study, Oikawa allowed himself some days off to be sure not becoming crazy by the end of the day. This situation was unbearable for someone like him. He, the previous captain and setter of Aoba Johsai, stuck inside his flat because of his stupid knee. How ironic.

Alone in his room with Makki and Matsun at college, Tooru often wondered what Iwaizumi was doing. Was he with his girlfriend? With his new friends? Worse, did he find a new best friend? Not that the spiker was this kind of person but Oikawa was so worried he couldn’t help himself considering this possibility. No ! He had to stop. He couldn’t go on like that.

Okay, he was heart broken but he wasn’t the only one. He didn’t have time to feel sorry about himself. He had to study, he had to get better, he had to practice. He had to..Well, he needed Iwaizumi.  
  
« Who are you going to fool, Tooru? » Oikawas asks as he closes his laptop.  
  
Leaning against the wall, the setter just sighs and rubs his face with his hands. He is tired of everything. Like, literally. He’s tired of his knee, he’s tired of his studies, he’s tired of his broken heart. Tired of Iwaizumi.  
Of course, because everything is always about him. It’s always about his personality, about his stupid behavior. He’s a fucking brute with Oikawa, he’s mean to him (even if he deserves it, let’s be honest), he isn’t even friendly ! He just frowns all the time and looks bored. So is he going to go on like that? To keep on being in love with an idiot like that?

The answer is..Yes. Yes he will. Because even though Iwaizumi looks and sounds like his dear Gozilla, he’s also his best friend. His pillar. And it doesn’t matter if they fight, or if they don’t talk to each other for a few weeks. In the end, and without Oikawa knowing, the setter will always rely on his spiker. He will always come back to Hajime.

It’s not good. He knows it. His life doesn’t revolve around Iwaizumi of course, but Oikawa is not Oikawa without Iwaizumi. And deep down, he hopes it’s the same for the raven. Doubting it, the brunet lets out a groan and lets his eyes fall on his phone.

Curious, he wanders through his social media. To see the news, to see what his other friends are doing. But also to know what Iwaizumi is doing. This guy never was into social media, but Hajime often posted some very good photos of Australia. Tooru thinks he could have become an amazing photographer.

So, Oikawa wonders why he didn’t post a picture with his dear girlfriend. Even while being shy, he would have been proud to show her, right? So what? He wants to keep her all by himself because he’s scared someone would stole her? So lame.

Once again, Oikawa surprises himself by being jealous. Why was he like that? Why couldn’t he be just happy for Iwaizumi? Like a real friend would.

Tossing his phone aside, Oikawa can’t wait for his friends to come back from college. He’s so bored he thinks he might die because of it. Makki and Matsun told him they were going to buy some food on their way home and Kuroo and Bokuto sent him some of the classes he couldn’t attend to. So, it wasn’t that bad. If he kept being careful, he could probably go back to his usual practice in no time. At least, he hopes.

After a few hours, Oikawa can feel his eyes burning. His glasses don’t help him anymore. He stared at his screen way too much and now, a beautiful headache decided to appear. What a life.

Checking the clock, Tooru can see it’s almost midnight. He must have fallen asleep without noticing it. Time to go to bed, he guesses.

Once in bed, it doesn’t take him long before falling asleep again. Tired, bored, sad, no wonder Oikawa was kind of exhausted at the end of the day.

However, what he didn’t plan is this call which makes him open his eyes. Man..Who, in their right mind would call him at this hour?

His hand goes to find his cellphone and with a sigh the brunet rubs his orbits. He is going to kill the person who thought it was a good idea to do this. To wake him up. Not bothering to look at the name on the screen, Oikawa lets his head fall on his pillow as he answers with his sleepy voice.  
  
« I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I was actually trying to sl-.. »

« Hey, Oikawa. »

Tooru snaps his eyes open, staring at his ceiling like he just had an awful nightmare. Like the ones which keep you awake at night when you’re a child. But right now, it’s not a nightmare. Nor a dream. It’s more like..There isn’t even words for it. Because it’s him. So it’s even more surprising.  
  
« Iwa-chan?.. What..Why are you calling this late? » Oikawa asks, his breath stuck in his throat.

« Yeah, sorry I.. Did I wake you up? Of course I did, you just said it. »  
  


Oikawa looks at the clock. If it’s two in the morning in Tokyo, then it’s three in Australia. Why isn’t Iwaizumi sleeping? Why is he calling even? Calling him, out of all people. _Because you’re his freaking best friend, you idiot._

« No..No don’t worry it’s fine. I just..Didn’t except you to call, that’s all. Are you okay? »

« Hm. I guess? I mean, I’m fine. School is great, I still play volleyball. » Iwaizumi responds, sounding more tired than usual.

« But? » Oikawa counters, because he knows that tone too well. If Iwaizumi knows when Oikawa is not doing well, it’s the same the other way around.

It’s been a while since they last called each other. They texted, asking how the other was doing but that’s it mostly. Of course, Oikawa didn’t tell Iwaizumi about his knee. He just couldn’t, because he wasn’t selfish enough to make him worry. The raven didn’t deserve this, he didn’t had to take care of him all the time even though Oikawa wanted it. Deep down, he really wanted Iwaizumi to take care of him until death til them apart. He could always tell him..He could always tell him he, once again, injured himself. Because he was way too reckless. Not because he was madly in love with him.

« But? No, there is no but, it’s just-.. »

« Hajime. »

There is a silence. The only sound Oikawa can hear is the wind howling outside. It’s nice but also terrifying tonight. He’s scared Iwaizumi is going to tell him something horrible. He’s scared to hear « I thought about it and I think it’s better if we don’t see each other again » or something like that. He doesn’t think that maybe Iwaizumi just wants to talk. He doesn’t think he just wants to hear his voice or that he just worries about him. No, he doesn’t think about it. But there has to be something, otherwise the raven wouldn’t call this late and mostly, while sounding this weird.

« I just..Miss you, I guess. » Iwaizumi starts as Oikawa opens his mouth. However, the spiker doesn’t let him speak. « No, I miss you. For real. I miss my best friend, I miss our conversations, I miss hearing you talk about your stupid aliens. Fuck, I even miss your teasing. So yeah, I know this could have waited until morning but I needed to tell you because..Because I feel like we’re avoiding each other or something and it shouldn’t be like that between us. Not after everything we’ve been through. »

Tooru thinks he’s dreaming. He thinks it’s not real, it’s not actually happening. Iwaizumi can’t tell him those things because he clearly isn’t the kind of guy to talk about his feelings. He never did ! They never did. Their comfort was always violent. It was a comfort which said « you’re strong, so get up already ! » And it was enough. At least, that’s what Oikawa thought before hearing Iwaizumi. So..he missed him? Not like he did, but still. He feels this weight on his shoulders, this pain inside his chest too. He missed him..It was almost too good to be true.

It warms his heart, his veins, even his cheeks. It’s stupid obviously, because that’s totally normal to miss his best friend but the setter feels like his head is going to explode. He wanted to hear that from Hajime’s mouth for a while, now.

He guesses he’s so confused or probably so happy that he must have zoned out because when he blinks, Hajime is repeating his name.

« Oikawa? Oi Oikawa, did you fall asleep? »

« No..No I’m awake. I..Are you honest Iwa-chan? Do you really mean it? »

« What? Of course I mean it. You know I wouldn’t lie about something like this. »

Oikawa knows it’s true. Iwaizumi would _never._ Slowly but surely, a smile starts to grow on his lips. It wasn’t much, but it still was something.

« I know it’s lame because we don’t do that but-.. »

« I miss you too, Iwa-chan. Very much..Too much, in fact.. »

Tooru can feel his eyes burn. This time it’s not because of the screen, or because he’s tired but because he loves the spiker so deeply. He loves him with all his heart, he can’t explain why. He can’t tell him either of course, but he can still act as his best friend. For the sake of their friendship.

Without realizing it, a few tears fall on his blanket. Closing his eyes, Oikawa tries so hard not to break down. However, it’s all too much tonight. He hurt his knee, he’s heart broken and despite having Makki, Matsun and the others, he’s still alone. So yeah, just for this once, he allows himself to lose it.

« I miss you Iwa-chan..It’s so hard without you.. »

At the other end of the line, Iwaizumi inhales sharply. Oikawa isn’t the one to break that easily, so he guesses he must really miss him to be in that state. How did he not notice it? Talk about a best friend. It’s so hard to hear the great Oikawa Tooru feeling low. Since the setter doesn’t show this part of him to the world, only Hajime is allowed to see it. It’s their little secret, the way they were and still are.

« Hey, stop crying. We both know how of an ugly crier you are. » Iwaizumi jokes, his own hand on his face.

« Mean, Iwa-chan. I’m always pretty.. » Oikawa responds, a small laugh escaping his lips. A broken laugh.

« Yeah. Guess you are, huh? »

Tooru feels his heart racing. Usually, the way they were joking didn’t make him feel like that. Except it’s different this time. Iwaizumi’s tone is different. Their situation is different. Their strong friendship is different. Their lives were different. Oikawa’s feelings were different. However, the setter doesn’t want to imagine things. He doesn’t want to think Iwaizumi is feeling the same way.

He just can’t.

« You should go to sleep, Iwa-chan. Not everyone is as beautiful as me in the morning. »

Once again, Hajime laughs. Sweetly, tenderly. A noise which makes him shiver. Oikawa almost forgot how it was to hear him laugh like that. To hear him laugh at one of his stupid joke, at his stupidness. He almost feels like they’re back in high school and it’s beautiful.

It’s bittersweet.

« You’re probably right. I don’t want to wake up as ugly as you, you mean. »

« Rude ! »

« Goodnight, Oikawa. »

« Sleep well, Iwa-chan. »

Another silence. The wind is still blowing. None of them is hanging up. Both softly smiling behind their phones, even through it’s hard to let the other one go. Just to let him sleep.

« Just hang up, you moron. » Iwaizumi murmurs, scared to break this peace between them.

« I don’t want to. Do you? »

«… Yeah. Me neither, but we both know we’re going to regret this in the morning. We’ve got plenty of time to call each other tomorrow. Right? »

_If you don’t forget me.._

Oikawa is scared to hang up. What will happen if he does? He doesn’t want to lose what they just had. Iwaizumi misses him right now, but what will happen in the morning? What if he doesn’t miss him anymore when his others friends convince him to go at a party? What if they argue again? What if, after this call, everything crumbles? Crumbles definitely.

Oikawa closes his eyes, rubbing them to make his tears disappear in a matter of seconds. He can’t think about that now. He has to stay strong. He has to make it work somehow. Even if Iwaizumi isn’t in love with him, he has to keep him at his sides. No matter what. And if that meant hiding his feelings until his death, well so be it.

Their friendship is too important to lose it. To lose him.

« You’re right. We can talk later. So go to sleep now or you’ll be even grumpier than usual. »

« I am not grumpy. Why do you always say that? » 

« Because you clearly are Iwa-chan ! Did you see how you’re always frowning? You’ll get wrinkles before the age of thirty. »

« That’s just because you’re annoying me so much. Didn’t you notice I only frown when I hear you talking? »

« Rude Iwa-chan ! Everybody loves my voice. They loooove to hear me talking. »

« More like whining all the time. »

Oikawa gasps, making it sound like he was offended. He’s used to this. To this kind of dark humor. After all, it wouldn’t be Oikawa and Iwaizumi without it. They weren’t all affectionate around each other but they deeply cared. They knew how the other reacted. How the other was thinking.

They knew the other like the palm of their hand.

Without knowing it, they start to talk again. Small things, stupid things but mostly joking. And oh did it feel nice.

« Okay, I really need to go now. I can feel you’re falling asleep on me. » Iwaizumi states after a while and mostly a yawn.

« I could say the same thing for you. You will have dark circles under your eyes, Iwa-chan. » Oikawa answers with a tired laugh, his head on his pillow and his phone on his ear.

« Still prettier than you, though. »

« Can’t believe you just said that. »

Both boys are secretly smiling, and with one last sentence they end up the call.

« Sleep tight, you idiot. »

« You too, Iwa-chan. »

A few seconds pass. Tooru hangs up, staring at his phone. At his picture of him, Iwaizumi, Makki and Matsun the day of their graduation. Looking proud and relieved. It had been a good day, he must admit.

Smiling, Oikawa exhales deeply. So Iwaizumi was having a hard time too, huh? The brunet knows he shouldn’t be happy because of it but he supposes his best friend could suffer a bit too. Just a tiny bit.

But that also meant that, even while being in another country, his dear Iwa-chan was thinking about him.

« I could never hate you, Hajime.. » Tooru murmurs deep into the night, falling into Morpheus’ arms. 

* * *

« Oh you definitely are coming ! Otherwise I’m going to drag you all along. »

« I never said I wasn’t going ! I just said I’m not sure if it’s a good idea with my knee and everything. »

« Oh come on. It’s practically healed and you don’t have to dance if you don’t want to. But you have to come, it’s my birthday ! »

Sitting at their usual coffee shop, Kuroo tries to convince Oikawa to come to his birthday party, he will be throwing in two weeks. And it’s not that Oikawa doesn’t want to come but..Well, he’s a bit scared to hurt his knee. To go, once again to the doctor.

Because see, the setter didn’t really listen when he was told to rest more than usual. So, after a few days and when he felt like it, Oikawa decided to go practice. Only for a little bit ! However, he happened to stumble and ended on his knees. He then went to the hospital to make sure he didn’t aggravate his situation, Oikawa’s doctor made clear that his healing process would take a bit more time because of that.

Hanamaki and Matsukawa yelled at him the same night, like parents would do with their child. Explaining that if he did it once again, if he wasn’t careful, they would tell Iwaizumi. And Oikawa knew too well his best friend would kill him.

That’s why, he made sure to rest properly this time. Resting and doing all the exercices his therapist told him to. After a while, it’s started to get better but he could still feel it hurt sometimes.

Thus, Tooru was slightly anxious to injure himself while partying with his friends. But he couldn’t just stay at home when the others were celebrating Kuroo’s birthday.

« I don’t know..I mean, I really want to come but what if something happens? What if- You know Makki and Matsun will yell at me again and it’s not funny ! »

« Not for you but for us, yes. » Bokuto suddenly says as he comes back with three different coffees. A smirk on his face, the owl had to admit that seeing Oikawa’s friends scolding him was a must.

Matsukawa and Hanamaki became quite close to Kuroo and Bokuto, as they took care of Oikawa. Now, they hung out pretty often, the captain being jealous because he wasn’t the center of attention anymore. Yet, it was really nice to see everyone getting along. The only one who was missing was Iwaizumi of course, but Oikawa never failed to tell him what they did.

« You’re making fun of me ! No, for real I’m not sure I’m coming Tetsu-chan.. »

« Well, if you’re scared to hurt yourself, why don’t we take Kuroo’s party to your flat? We can ask Hanamaki and Matsukawa if they are okay with it. What do you think? » Bokuto adds, sipping at his coffee before frowning. There was never enough sugar in it. Ripping one sugar open, the spiker looks at his friend.

« Oh where did this good idea come from Bokuto? Did you steal it from someone? » Kuroo grins, knowing that the owl was really smart despite his joyful personality.

« I didn’t steal it from you, that’s for sure. »

« So, what do you think Oikawa? There won’t be too much people anyway. Bokuto, Akaashi, Hanamaki, Matsukawa, and Daichi. Suga can’t come because he has to babysit his little cousin.»

« Kenma is coming too, right? »

« Yeah, but that was obvious. »

« Like your crush on him.. »

Kuroo chocks on his drink, glaring at Bokuto who just smiles behind his cup. It wasn’t like Kuroo actually told Kenma about his crush on him. Oikawa can’t help but grin the same way the previous captain of Fukurodani does. Even though Kuroo and him are sleeping together, they both know there is nothing romantic between them. It’s just for fun, and that’s great because Tooru and Tetsuro often talks about their love life.

Apparently, Kuroo has a crush on his childhood friend too. And since a long time now. But the blond didn’t notice a thing even if Kuroo likes to leave some hints. This guy is as hopeless as him.

So, sometimes when they’re both naked in bed, they just like to talk and laugh about their own and desperate love life. To be honest, Oikawa is getting better. Yeah, he’s always saying this but this time it’s true. Obviously he’s still jealous to know Iwaizumi has a girlfriend but he isn’t actually here to see it. So, it’s like sometimes he forgets it. And their last call was just..It wasn’t much but the setter felt good. Relieved in a way he couldn’t explain.

Iwaizumi was missing him and if his best friend had been gay or at least bisexual, Oikawa would have thought that he flirted with him that night. But Iwaizumi was _not._

For now, he was just happy to have him in his life. Sometimes, you don’t need much to be happy.

« Anywaaay ! Why don’t we talk about you and your love life my dear Koutarou? I know you’re pretty interested in that setter of yours. How is it going? » Kuroo snickered. « Because last time Oikawa and I ran into you with Akaashi on your lap. So sweeet. »

« Yeah, and we ran into you and Oikawa having sex. That’s not much better. »

« For my defense, Oikawa was too eager to go to the bedroom. »

This time, it’s Oikawa who chokes on his drink. Nearly spilling it on the table. With a blush on his face, the setter replies.

« I-I was not ! It was just..Just the heat of the moment. »

« No need to blush Oikawa, I know I’m irresistible. »

Oikawa rolls his eyes, showing his palm into Kuroo’s face so he would back off. Man, was he annoying sometimes but he was right. He was hot. Not like Iwaizumi, but still.

« So? Is it settle then? We’re taking your party to Oikawa’s flat? » Bokuto demands, once again to make sure everyone agrees, his eyes meeting Oikawa’s. Kuroo imitates his best friend, hoping for the right answer.

With a sigh, Oikawa knows he doesn’t really have much of a choice. It’s Kuroo’s birthday after all, and he definitely owes them.

« Alright, fine. I will ask Makki and Matsun but I guess they won’t say no. However, I don’t take responsibility if something happens! »

« It’s not like it’s going to be wild or something, you know. » Kuroo grins.

But Oikawa had learned his lesson. You couldn’t trust Kuroo. And mostly when he grins like that. You couldn’t trust a black cat, right?

* * *

« And then I didn’t even know what to get him ! And Makki and Matsun weren’t any help you know? So I had to use my incredible mind to find a gift that would suit him. »

« Then I guess it can’t be a nice gift. »

« Mean Iwa-chan ! How could you even say that? I’ve always been good at finding gifts. »

« Like the stars stickers that glow in the dark you bought me when we were thirteen, because you thought the aliens would come and get you? Even though I don’t even like stickers? »

« Hey it was a good gift ! I thought that if the aliens happened to come and get me, Iwa-chan would either save me or go with me. It was a useful present. »

« Of course. Do you actually think I’m going to believe you? »

Oikawa opens his mouth, staring at his screen computer before closing his mouth once again. Okay, he couldn’t quite argue with that because Iwaizumi is totally right. Tooru once bought some stars stickers, thinking the aliens could sense the fact he was waiting for them. And as he spent most of his time at his best friend’s house, he knew he had to do something to show them the way.

He still can remember Iwaizumi’s face when he opened his present. He too, knew it hadn’t been really for him in the end. Despite that, the spiker had put the stickers on the wall and the ceiling, not complaining once about it.

Chuckling at this memory, Hajime imitates his friend. His smile reflecting through the camera of his computer. However, if Iwaizumi could see Oikawa’s face, the setter made sure he wouldn’t see his brace on his knee. He was going to keep his injury a secret. Anyway, it was getting better so he didn’t find it necessary to tell him.

« You should believe me because I’m telling the truth! » Oikawa lies with a sweet smile.

« Oh my ears hurt only by hearing that. I think I’m going to end up deaf with all these lies. » Iwaizumi replies as he raises an eyebrow.

« Guess I’m not the only drama queen anymore. »

Both boys end up laughing at their own teasing. After a while and as Iwaizumi is wandering in his room under Oikawa’s gaze, the setter can’t help but notice the bag on his bed. Tilting his head, Tooru wonders what could be in it. Clothes? Maybe he had been to his girlfriend’s house? Oikawa hopes not because if that’s the case, that probably means that they had..Sex. Oh my god, no. Even though he doesn’t really want to have an answer to his question, the setter just asks.

« Iwa-chan, what’s in your bag? »

« Huh? What bag? » Iwaizumi demands, not quite understanding what his friend meant.

« On your bed. What’s in it? Are you going somewhere? » Oikawa adds, pointing his finger towards the screen to make Iwaizumi turn around.

And suddenly, Hajime’s face pales. As if Oikawa asked a forbidden question. But it’s so fast, the setter wonders if he saw that right. Because let’s be honest, the spiker isn’t the kind to panic about anything. It must probably have been his imagination. Still, Iwaizumi seems at loss for words, so he begins to stutter. Not too much but enough at Oikawa’s eyes.

« I..Huh..No. It’s just some clothes I want to throw away. » Hajime forces a smile, hoping the setter would believe it. If he does, it would be a miracle.

« Throw away? Why? »

« Well, with so much practice everyday and classes, guess I gained muscles. » Hajime shrugs.

«…Are you sure? I mean, you don’t look very convinced. Are you hiding something from me Iwa-chan? » Oikawa frowns. He was the only one who could hide something from Iwaizumi. That was in his nature, but not the other way around. And to think that it could be the case bothered him very much. Should he worry about it?

« What? No !Of course not. I swear, it’s because of practice. What would I hide from you, anyway?» Hajime counters with a sigh. And mostly with an annoyed face, hoping it would put an end to Oikawa’s interrogation.

But Tooru doesn’t buy it. He knows something is up, that Iwaizumi isn’t telling him something. Maybe if he keeps pushing him, he will get what he wants. That’s a possibility.

« You know I can tell when you’re lying Iwa-chan. So why don’t you tell the great Oikawa-san what’s going on? » Oikawa grins, leaning towards the camera.

« The great Oikawa-san? You’re a great idiot, yeah. I told you the truth. But I don’t want to talk about it because it’s quite embarrassing. To say that I have to find some clothes after gaining muscles, it’s a bit..I don’t know. » Iwaizumi pouts. A pout that makes Oikawa’s heart beat faster. He was so adorable..

« Oh..Oh, I see. Well if you didn’t train like the Godzilla monster you were, it wouldn’t have happened Iwa-chan! »

« It wasn’t like _that._ I lift too much weight, so my arms got bigger. I almost got a sunburn too. It’s kind of hot in Australia. »

« Heeeeh. Did you go to the beach? I’ve heard it’s very nice and amazing. I would love to go there someday.. »

The brunet says with a shy smile. His mind couldn’t stop playing this scenario of Iwaizumi and him going to the beach together. See the sunset and while there would be a silence, Oikawa would finally admit his feelings. He would confess to his best friend as the wind blows through his locks, as he heart feels like it’s going to explode.

If he’s lucky, the spiker would return his sentiments. He would tell him they lost a good amount of time because of their pride and fear of being rejected. At the end they would finally, and irremediably-

« Oikawa ! Dinner’s ready ! »

Oikawa jolts quite violently, coming back to reality as he hears his bedroom door open. Hanamaki takes a look inside and can’t help but grin as he sees his captain talking with his best friend. Recently, their friendship was going well. Oikawa couldn’t stop talking about Iwaizumi, even though he knew he had a girlfriend. He was just..Head over heels for him. He started to be happy just by talking to him, just by hearing his voice. He would smile for hours because of some stupid teasing they shared together.

However, as surprising as it could be, the pink haired boy suspected Iwaizumi to flirt with Oikawa in a very smooth way. Without anyone noticing. Matsukawa had to agree at some point but he wasn’t exactly sure about it, so he kept quiet. He didn’t want to raise false hopes.

« Oooooh am I disturbing something? » Hanamaki asks, letting himself fall on the bed.

« Hey Hanamaki. How are you doing? I hope Oikawa doesn’t cause you too much trouble.» Iwaizumi answers, a sweet smile on his face. Well, to Oikawa. Because Oikawa always thinks Iwaizumi’s smiles are sweet.

« Nah, don’t worry. We’ve got him under control. And when he’s being a dick, Matsun glares at him with his terrifying look. He would crawl under his bed. »

« Hey ! That’s not true at all ! Don’t say such things Makki, Iwa-chan will think I’m a baby who can’t take care of myself! » Oikawa retorts, clearly offended but the glare his friend offers him clearly means ‘We saw that with your knee’. That’s enough to shut him up.

« Anyway, you don’t have to worry. We’re taking care of him while you’re gone. »

« Thanks, I will be able to sleep tonight. » Iwaizumi and Hanamaki start to chuckle at the same time.

But soon there is another voice coming into the room, asking what both boys were doing.

« Hey, I’m hungry. What are you two do- Oh, hey Iwaizumi. Didn’t know we had a reunion of Seijoh4. » Matsukawa says, leaning towards the screen.

« Hey there Matsun. Heard you terrified everyone if this flat. »

« Heeeh? Who told you that? »

Oikawa doesn’t want to admit it but he kind of misses their little moments. They always were together during high school. Eating, drinking, joking together. So, just talking with Iwaizumi through a screen was somehow enough at this moment. It wasn’t much but..Oikawa was happy. He felt like being the annoying captain he would always be, the drama queen too. Soon, Oikawa is the victim of his friends’ teasing, along with Iwaizumi and both of them end up looking upset. But their laughs echos through the room. Eyes watering caused by their jokes, lighthearted, simply enjoying their well deserved time together.

After half an hour, Iwaizumi who catches his breath because of too much laughter announces.

« I have to go guys. I still have some homework to do and I need to cook something. Go eat, too. »

« Still got this mom vibes in you, huh Iwa-chan? » Oikawa snickers, knowing Iwaizumi would never lose this side of himself.

« Somebody has to watch over you three. You’re catastrophic. I wonder how long it will take you to burn the kitchen down. »

« Matsun is a great cook ! Makki too. You shouldn’t be worried about that! »

« We can’t say the same thing for you. That’s why you’re not allowed in the kitchen. » Hanamaki counters, pinching Oikawa’s sides.

« Anyway, we should do that more often. FaceTiming I mean. I miss your ugly faces. » Iwaizumi shrugs, making Matsukawa laugh while Hanamaki and Oikawa gasp.

« Our faces are beautiful. Obviously, I’m the most beautiful one but you already knew that. »

« Yeah, I know Shittykawa. Always did. »

Matsukawa and Hanamki share a look. There it was. The smooth flirting. Did Iwaizumi do it on purpose or has he always been a smooth talker? It was intriguing, disturbing for them because they really wanted to talk about it to Oikawa but what if they were wrong? They would break this poor boy’s heart once again !

« I see you still have the same insults Iwa-chan! It doesn’t matter, I can’t hear you anyway. »

« Well, I’m off. Enjoy your meal guys. Oh, and Oikawa..Take care and be careful okay? Don’t hesitate to call me if there is anything you want to talk about. »

« Yes mom..Now go ! Or you will faint because you didn’t eat. »

The two childhood friends look at each other through the camera for a few seconds. Oikawa repressing the urge to blush, as he hides it behind an arrogant smile. Iwaizumi just shakes his head in surrender but the other don’t miss his quiet laugh.

As soon as the camera is turned off, Tooru let himself fall on the bed and covers his head with his pillow. Screaming in it, Makki and Matsun are scared to see him cry or worse.

« Hey..Are you alright? » Matsukawa dares to ask.

Oikawa reveals his face, more red than it ever was. As his chocolate eyes stare at the ceiling, the setter can’t help but come hide into Makki’s lap. And with a desperate voice, Oikawa just admits.

« Did you see how hot he was?.. I can’t take it anymore.. I want to die. »

His friends start to laugh, coming to his rescue by hugging him tightly and ruffling his hair. They didn’t want to see him sad or to hear him cry during the night. They just wanted to see him smile, even without being with Iwaizumi.

Oikawa knows he already said it, but this time, it really felt like he was beginning to breathe again.

* * *

Kuroo’s birthday finally arrives and everyone is happy to know that they are going to party like crazy. Of course, they’re college students so it _has_ to be something crazy. As they said, the party takes place at Oikawa’s flat. Or rather, at Hanamaki and Matsukawa’s. Anyway, everyone helps preparing everything.

And when we say everything, it’s mostly Bokuto trying to find the right alcohols to drink, Kuroo who is currently shaking his gifts on the table because he wants to know what his friends got him and Oikawa who locked himself in the bathroom as he wants to look better than he ever was. Obviously.

« Kuroo-san, could you just stop shaking your presents already? » Akaashi asks with a sigh. He was being worse than a kid at this point.

« I want to know what’s in it. If I can read blocks, I can perfectly guess what’s in this. » The raven answers with a grin.

« Keep doing that and you will not have any presents. The others aren’t even there, yet. »

Akaashi shakes his head and went to see what Bokuto was doing. Hanamaki and Matsukawa put the drinks in the fridge as they didn’t bother to cook. They were probably going to order something at some point and it was better like that.

Glancing over at his boyfriend (who was gorgeous with his dark locks), Takahiro went towards him to slowly cuddle against him. At this feeling, the younger one can’t help but smile, sliding his long fingers in his hair.

« You’re really handsome, tonight Issei. »

« Only tonight? You hurt my feelings Hiro.»

« Aaah you know what I mean. » Hanamaki starts to laugh, following by his lover who kisses his forehead.

But as he wants to let go of him, Hanamaki holds him back, a disturbed look on his face. He definitely wants to say something but he’s scared Matsukawa will get mad because he didn’t tell him sooner.

Noticing the slight frown on his face, Issei isn’t dumb and knows there is something inside Makki’s head. Cupping his cheek with his large palm, the raven softly smiles and asks.

« Hey..What is it? You know you can tell me everything, right? »

And Hanamaki knows but..It’s not about him. Or maybe a bit but it’s mostly about Oikawa.

« I know, it’s just that..I think I’ve made a mistake. Not really a mistake but..Ugh I can’t even tell ! I should have told Oikawa sooner but Iwaizumi told me not to say anything. »

At his words, Matsukawa can sense it’s going to be problematic. Because it always is when it comes to these two. Tilting his head and frowning, the previous middle blocker insists.

« Hiro, what did you do? What did Iwaizumi say? »

« He said that he was-.. »

« I bet you never saw someone as beautiful as me ! » Almost screams a voice, making both of them jolt.

Oikawa just got out of the bathroom, fresh as ever and..Well, very well dressed. However, the setter easily notices the look on his friends' faces. Putting his hands on his hips, the brunet can tell they weren’t discussing about what they are going to order tonight.  
  
« What’s happening? You both look..Weird. What is it? »

« Hiro was telling me that-.. » Begins Matsukawa with his usual bored expression, making Hanamaki panic at the same time.

« No, I didn’t-.. »

« That your hair was becoming unbearable to see everyday. You should cut your bangs. »

Hanamaki blinks, silent for a good minute before hearing a gasp coming out of Oikawa’s mouth. He turns his head towards him, the setter looking almost betrayed to be honest.

« What?! Makki, you told me you liked when my hair were a bit longer ! You lied to me? » 

« I..Uh..Yeah? No, I mean it’s fine but maybe you should cut it a bit? »

« I can’t believe it. I trusted you. Well, I will let you know that it’s only your jealousy talking and that I’m obviously offended. »

« He’s right though. You should get a hair cut. » Matsukawa can’t help but tease, sipping at his coffee in his hand.

« You too Matsun?! I trusted you ! That’s why people have trust issues, because of guys like you. But it’s okay, not everyone can be as perfect as me anyway. So I will let it slide. » Oikawa answers with a proud smirk before hearing his name from the living room.

« Oikawa, come and help me already ! I can’t decide which alcohol is the best. » Whines Bokuto, Akaashi scolding him from the back.

With a sigh of relief, Hanamaki shoots a death glare to his boyfriend. He really thought he was going to tell Oikawa. He should have known better.

Matsukawa looks innocent but still wonders what all of this was about. If it was something important, they better talk about it.

« I hate you. » Takahiro says, feeling his heart beat again.

« I know you don’t. But we should really talk about what Iwaizumi told you. If Oikawa needs to know, you can’t hide it from him Hiro. Nothing good happens with secrets. »

And Issei couldn’t have been more right.

****

An hour later, all the guests are here. Which means, Daichi and Kenma who just ended his practice with his team. Of course Kuroo would give him the title of captain even though he always said he wasn’t that interested in volleyball. And of course, he was lying. Kuroo couldn’t have been prouder.

Oikawa can see how Kuroo is looking at Kenma. It’s the same look he gives Iwaizumi when they are together. He also can see that he’s scared to lose him. Who wouldn’t be? That’s probably why they can understand each other so well, they share the same feelings. They are _literally_ in the same situation. It’s just that Kenma isn’t in Australia. And he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Oh man. Don’t think about that, now. Oikawa thinks for himself as he shakes his head. It was Kuroo’s party and he swore to enjoy it until the last second.

« Can I open my gifts now? It’s already been toooo long. » Kuroo whines, looking at all the presents on the table.

« Oh stop it already. You can at least wait for an other hour. » Daichi replies, sipping at his delicious mojito Hanamaki made for everyone.

« Besides, you have to open mine first. I’ve got better taste. » Oikawa remarks.

« If it’s the same taste you’ve got for your outfits, it will be horrible then. » Matsun teases, making Kenma grin. The blond had to admit that Oikawa had some very funny friends.

« I don’t understand why I keep talking to you. »

« Maybe because we’re living together? »

« I could perfectly ignore you! »

« Yeah, and then cry because nobody gives you attention. » Bokuto suddenly adds making Oikawa pout.

« That is not true. At all. »

Of course it was true. Oikawa didn’t like being ignored for too long. He remembered hating the fact that Mad Dog-chan only answered Iwaizumi and not him. Soon, Kuroo ruffles his hair and Bokuto pinches his sides to make him laugh. But almost knock over their drinks, their friends complaining about how dumb they were.

And so, the evening began. The four previous captains end on the balcony to smoke a cigarette while the others are still inside playing some horror game which made Hanamaki scream.

« So, how is it going for you Daichi? It’s been a while ! » Oikawa asks, a sincere smile on his face. Of course he had been angry, devastated by their loss against Karasuno but now it was all in the past. He could only blame himself, not Daichi who had been able to take his team to nationals.

« It’s going pretty well, actually. I’m still studying to become a police officer so..It’s not easy but I hope getting through all of that. » Daichi sighs. After graduating of high school, the former captain decided to follow his dream and started to study everything he had to know to become an officer.

« Yeah, Kuroo told me you didn’t play volleyball anymore. Or do you? »

« Not as much as I want to. I don’t really have time for that. However, I see that you kept playing. I couldn’t imagine anything else. The King of the Court huh? » Daichi grins. « You were a formidable opponent. A troublesome one, but it was magnificent to see you play. You’re very talented. »

Oikawa blinks a few times. He hadn’t expected Daichi to tell him this. Of course there wasn’t any animosity between them, but sometimes it took a lot of courage to admit that an opponent was great. Discreetly blushing, Oikawa nods and takes a sip of his beverage to hide his red cheeks.

« Thank you. But I could say the same for you. Always receiving my serves. Aaah was it annoying. » Oikawa finally answers with an annoyed laugh.

« Oya? Our dear King is blushing? Daichi you made Oikawa blush ! » Bokuto almost screams, leaning towards his friend to see if he wasn’t dreaming. « Kuroo, look at that! »

« Hm? Oooh Oikawa, you look like a child. Do you want a hug or something? »

« I’m not blushing ! I just..It’s just cold! »

« Of course, we’re going to believe you. »

« Anyway, you’re living with Suga now? » Oikawa wonders, hoping it will change the subject. It was so embarrassing !

« I do. We noticed that we weren’t studying far from each other so we decided to live together. It was much easier. »

« Look at this lovely couple. So sweet. I hope you don’t cause too much trouble to Suga, though. » Kuroo suddenly says.

Oikawa glances at the cat for a second, then looks back at Daichi who was the one blushing now. Wait, wait. A couple? He knew Daichi and Suga were close, you could easily see it but..They were together?!

« Wait..Suga is your boyfriend?! » Oikawa exclaims, a look of pure shock on his face.

« Yeah..We went on a date after leaving high school. I can’t even explain how it happened. It just..Did? » Daichi admits, still wondering how they ended up together.

« Maan..That’s awesome. Nice catch Daichi. Guess you’re not so innocent after all. » Oikawa teases with a grin, happy to know the captain and the setter were a couple.

« What about you guys? Any boyfriend or girlfriend? »

The three captains look at each other for a while. They didn’t really have what we could say a love life. Or maybe just Bokuto who was much closer to his goal with Akaashi than Kuroo or Oikawa. These two were desperate to say the least.

Koutarou starts to laugh, throwing his head back and feeling the wind caressing his neck. Daichi surely asked a forbidden question.

« I’m kind of hungry. What do you think Tetsu-chan, want to grab something to eat? » Tooru interrogates, not wanting to go deeper into this conversation.

« Yeah, good idea. Very, good idea. » Tetsuro answers, pushing Oikawa inside.  
« Hm..Did I say something wrong? » Daichi questions Bokuto, who just shakes his head.

« They are just two idiots in love. Nothing special. »

***

« I swear, I hate you. I can’t believe you’re making me do this. Kou-chan stop laughing! »

« Oh come on, you look great. Don’t you think guys? »

« Don’t move or you will fall on me. On my face. With your elbow. »

Okay, as the evening was going well and after eating a few snacks before ordering some food, everyone agreed to play twister. Well, almost everyone.

Oikawa and Kuroo had been forced to play it because apparently « it would be fun to see their most ungraceful face ». Then, they added Akaashi and Kenma who clearly wasn’t stiff at all, quite the contrary.

« Kuroo, you’re going to make Oikawa fall so stop talking. » Kenma says with a frown, managing to put his foot between Oikawa’s legs.

« Hey, if he breaks my nose, what am I going to do? It’s a serious matter Kenma ! »

« If you don’t stop, I’m going to break your nose myself. »

« Okay Oikawa, your right hand on the yellow one. » Matsukawa comments with a grin while Hanamaki is recording all of this with his phone.

« The yellow one? How am I supposed to do that without breaking any bones? »

« Remember what we said, the first one to fall has to drink the weird mixture Bokuto made. »

Oikawa groans, lifting his right hand and slowly sliding it towards the yellow spot. With difficulty, the setter places his hand, feeling however his knee hurting. It’s nothing much but Matsukawa can see the frown on Oikawa’s face. So, his friend can’t help but say.

« Hey Oikawa, don’t put too much pressure on it. Alright? »

« Matsun, I can’t focus like that ! Tetsu-chan stop..Doing what you’re doing because I’m going to fall. »

« Oh you mean breathing? Yeah, of course I can do that. »

And Oikawa doesn’t know why. He doesn’t know if it’s because of the alcohol, because of his medicine or because he’s with his friends but he starts to laugh. Really hard. He laughs so much his sides start to hurt and he can’t stop it. The others look at him for a while, mostly Makki and Matsun. They didn’t see their best friend laugh like that for a while now. It wasn’t just a simple laugh, it was something genuine. Something happy. Something that came right from his heart. Something beautiful in its own way. Almost candid.

It wasn’t much, but it was definitely something.

Soon, the room is filled with everyone’s laugh, wondering how Kenma, Akaashi, Kuroo and Oikawa could still play twister when they couldn’t contain their own smiles.

Kuroo ends up being the winner. Kenma is the first to fall because he isn’t that great at twister. Then it’s Akaashi because he couldn’t stay in his position any longer. Oikawa doesn’t want to give up but his knee doesn’t agree with him and he feels some cramps in his arms. So, in order to win, the brunet decided to tickle his dear cat friend. Kuroo almost let go but Oikawa fell right onto his face while doing it.

A true masterpiece, to be honest.

And as a loser, he has to drink Bokuto’s mixture like the others. It’s disgusting. It’s spicy, and sweet but the owl added some mustard and some ketchup. It’s like porridge at some point or more..Pudding maybe? In any case, it’s not something Oikawa would recommend.

At three am, after drinking, eating, and singing along some stupid karaoke songs, the boys are sitting a bit everywhere in the apartment. Kuroo’s got Kenma between his legs as the blond eats an umpteenth piece of cake all while talking to Bokuto and Akaashi who are just in front of them, against the couch.

Matsukawa and Hanamaki are laughing at some memes they find on their social medias. And Tooru..Well, he feels tired but content. It was a very good evening, full of joy and stupidity he has to admit but they were always like that.

Looking at his friends, the brunet sighs for just a second. In need of some air, Oikawa goes on the balcony where he finds Daichi who is smoking a cigarette. A cigarette?! Kind of surprised, Oikawa asks.

« Daichi, I didn’t know you were smoking. I hope you know it’s not good for your health. »

Daichi chuckles lightly, he had to agree with his friend.

« I know, but I only smoke during parties. Not everyday, don’t worry. »

« Does Suga-san know? » Oikawa grins before Daichi flustered face. Maybe not.

« Let’s not talk about that. »

Both captains look at each other for a while, then start laughing. Leaning against the fence, Oikawa observes the peaceful lights of the city. It’s nice and quiet. The wind ruffling his hair already disheveled.

Sawamura can’t help but stare at Tooru, wondering what is going on inside his head. Maybe he knows. Because he probably has an idea. Slowly, Daichi raises his voice.

« I guess it’s hard without Iwaizumi, hm? »

It’s almost a deduction. Not a question at this point. Oikawa doesn’t know how Daichi _knows_ , because who told him? No one. Maybe his face betrayed him?

« It’s not that bad. It’s just..You know when you want to tell or share something with someone but you remember they are not there? Well, it’s like that. » Oikawa chuckles quietly. Even if he said it was alright, he still misses his best friend.

« Did you tell him? »

« Tell him what? »

« That you’re in love with him? »

Daichi’s question catches Oikawa off guard. Was he that obvious? No way. Because if he was, that meant that Iwaizumi must have noticed something. And if he did..Daichi rapidly adds, feeling he said something he shouldn’t have.

« I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ! I mean..It’s just that both of you were so close, even during matches and..You seemed always so happy around Iwaizumi that I thought-.. »

« No, no it’s okay Daichi. You’re right..I..I’m in love with him. Guess I’ve been in love with him for more than I could have imagine. But what’s the point? Apparently, he’s got a girlfriend. He’s in Australia. We don’t see each other as much as we used to, so.. »

« So what? »

« Huh? » Oikawa doesn’t understand what Daichi means. So what? There isn’t much to do. He just has to go through it. Or something..

« So what? Even though I don’t know Iwaizumi the way you do, I can assure you that he isn’t the type to reject his best friend who is in love with him. You’ve been friends forever, you’ve been through so much..I know it’s hard. It’s never easy when our heart is suffering but..Do you want to live like that all your life? If you know what Iwaizumi is going to say, then..I can only advice you to move on. To find someone you can fall in love with. And be happy? That’s the best you can do. But as long you don’t know his answer, that you don’t know about his feelings, what makes you so sad? You can be sad once you’ve done everything possible. Think about that, what would you feel if it was the other way around? I don’t want to give you hope but life is sometimes full of surprises. »

Oikawa blinks. He doesn’t know what to answer but Daichi’s words slowly fill his ears. They sink into his heart, into his head. It’s almost as relieving as terrifying. He’s right. Oikawa doesn’t want to be sad until the end of his life. He wants to be happy, with Iwaizumi and if it’s not with him..Then it will someone else. If he doesn’t know about his best friend’s feelings, he knows for sure that he doesn’t want to give up on his friendship.

He wants to keep laughing with Hajime, he wants to tease him, to eat ice cream with him. He wants to hear his stupid nicknames. He wants everything. And that’s okay, because sometimes you have every right to be selfish.

Oikawa has the right to feel this way. He has the right to feel jealous, to feel sad. He has the right to scream, to be angry, to cry. He has the right to feel desperate, to feel lonely. He has the right to imagine Iwaizumi returning his feelings. He has the right to feel vulnerable, the right to be human. But he doesn’t has the right to give up, to stay on the ground and to feel sorry for himself. Because if he does, his life will become an endless nightmare. He knows he’s got some issues, many issues even. However, he can’t continue like this. He deserves better. And Iwaizumi too.

Not saying anything more, Daichi thinks he broke Oikawa at some point. That’s why he starts to panic and quickly says.

« Oh sorry ! I didn’t want to sound rude or anything. I just- It’s just that I don’t like seeing you sad or-.. »

« Hmm-Hmm. » Oikawa answers, shaking his head. A small smile on his face. He perfectly knows what Daichi wanted to do. Because he would probably have done the same for any of his friends. « You’re right. Thank you. »

Daichi feels relieved, at least Oikawa didn’t seem mad or even sadder than before. That was at least, good news. Smiling, the previous captain of Karasuno looks back at the city and the silence falls once again.

* * *

« Got everything? »

« I think, I do. »

« It’s not like we’re going to the same college anyway. »

Kuroo starts to laugh at Oikawa’s words. It’s almost ten am but everyone can feel a bit of a hungover. Last night, they ended up drinking a bit more than they should and fell asleep five hours ago.

Dark circles under their eyes, yaws, it’s like zombie land. Kuroo is the last one to go as he insisted to help cleaning up. It’s not too much but it still demands a lot of energy at this point. Bokuto and Akaashi left a few minutes ago and Daichi had to go first because of some exam he really has to study for. Kenma had some practice in the afternoon so he had to get ready.

Hanamaki and Matsukawa are currently sitting in the kitchen, preparing some coffee and breakfast.

« You’re sure you don’t want to eat with us? I don’t want you to collapse in the street Tetsu-chan ! » Oikawa says, a grin on his face.

« Nah don’t worry. I’m not that fragile. And it’s not my first hungover. I will text you when I’m home. » Kuroo answers, ruffling Oikawa’s hair. Why did they have to do that? Every time !

« Be careful. And don’t forget to eat something. »

« Yes, mom. Don’t forget to take care of your knee, idiot. »

« Don’t worry, Kuroo. We’re taking care of that. » Hanamaki assures from the kitchen.

« It was a marvelous party. I can’t thank you enough, guys. »

« We’re glad you liked it. That’s clearly enough. Right Makki, Matsun? » Oikawa smiles, happy to know that Kuroo liked his gifts and the party.

« Of course ! Come back anytime. » Matsukawa replies with a wink.

Tetsuro gives a high five to Tooru, hugs him before walking out of the apartment. Oikawa sighs in relief, still tired and feeling the alcohol in his veins. It was going to be a hard day. Joining his friends in the kitchen, Hanamaki hands him a cup of black coffee, knowing he would definitely need it.

« I must admit, it was nice having everyone at home. Right Hiro? »

« Yep. Very refreshing. Feels good to think about something else than our studies. Kuroo seemed to be thrilled. »

« He looks like a bad guy but he’s just a nerd. He said he was happy to spend some time with you. » Oikawa adds, sitting down on his chair. His hot mug between his hands.

« Who wouldn’t be? » Matsukawa teases, earning a giggle from Makki.

The kitchen feeling suddenly quiet, Matsukawa glances over at Hanamaki. He knows what he wants. Last night, before he could tell his boyfriend what Iwaizumi told him, Oikawa entered the room and obviously, they ended their conversation. But Issei is right, he can’t hide something which implies Iwaizumi. Not to Oikawa, anyway. So as he clears his throat, Hanamaki starts with his eyes on his coffee.

« Oi, Oikawa. I should probably tell you that-.. »

At the same time, the bell rings. Tooru groans, it must be Kuroo who always forgets something. It wouldn’t be the first time he forgot his sweater or something like that at their flat. Matsukawa, who is standing, gestures at his friends that he will go see who it is. Hanamaki glares at his boyfriend, he’s doing it on purpose.

« I’m sure Tetsu-chan forgot one of his gifts. Anyway, what did you want to tell me Makki? » Oikawa asks, sipping at his hot drink.

« Yeah, huh..You should know that..I mean, I only know for a couple of weeks or something but-.. »

« Oh my god. I can’t believe it, man! » Matsukawa almost screams in joy, making Oikawa wonder what is going on.

Hanamaki already knows what it’s happening. Rubbing his face with his hand, Oikawa peers at his friend before standing up and walking through the corridor.

But before Tooru can ask why Issei sounds so surprised, his chocolate eyes meet some green ones. Some he knows well too much. Some he couldn’t forget even if he wanted to. Some he hadn’t seen for too long.

The same one he fell in love with. And so, as if he couldn’t believe it, Oikawa finally says.

« Iwa-chan? »


	8. From a whisper to a scream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii everyone ! Hope you're all doing great ! 
> 
> First of all, I'm terribly sorry for the wait. I just couldn't find some time to keep on writing. I had a lot to do and now that I'm back to school, it definitely was more complicated.
> 
> Anyway, I will try to post a new chapter very soon, so don't worry guys the story is still on ! 
> 
> I hope you're going to like this one, because I feel like I wrote an horrible chapter. 
> 
> Take care of you and stay safe guys !
> 
> Lots of love <3

It doesn’t feel or sound right. It definitely doesn’t. How is that even possible? When did that happen? Why doesn’t Hanamaki seem surprised? Matsukawa certainly is, but..Did his friend know about all of this?

Still shocked, Oikawa doesn’t realize that he’s been staring at Iwaizumi for at least, a good minute. The raven is talking with Matsukawa, hugging him with a bright smile. And it’s like the world stopped spinning. Time doesn’t exist anymore. Oikawa can’t hear anything. He can’t hear what Matsun is saying, nor what Iwaizumi answers because he’s too..He’s way too surprised to see him here.

Not in a bad way, of course! We’re talking about Iwaizumi, here. His best friend, his teammate. The guy he freaking fell in love with, who decided to go study in Australia, who he misses so much and who is now..In front of him. It’s just impossible.

« Oikawa, how long are you going to stand there? » Matsukawa asks with a grin. He too, is happy to see his previous vice captain.

« Y-Yeah sorry..But, Iwa-chan ! What are you doing here? » Oikawa finally says after recovering from his shock. Or not really, in fact.He just pretends, as always.

« Well, I could come home earlier than I thought and since it’s almost Christmas, I came back to spend it with my family and friends. And by friends, I obviously mean you. »

« Hell yeah, Seijoh four is back again ! Hiro, look who it is ! » Issei adds while Hanamaki comes out of the kitchen.

Oikawa glances at his friend. He can’t help but wonder if Hanamaki knew about all of this. He really wanted to tell him something back then. Could it be that Iwaizumi told Hanamaki that he was coming home without telling Oikawa? Was it a surprise? He hopes it is, because why would there be a reason for Hajime to hide something like this from his best friend? Did Hanamaki become Iwaizumi’s best friend? Did they stab him in the back? No, no, no keep calm Oikawa !

In any case, Hanamaki seems really happy to see Iwaizumi again. He seems surprised, too. However, the way Hajime and him glances at each other looks like they hid something from Matsukawa and Oikawa. And the brunet was definitely going to find out about it.

And while Takahiro is asking Hajime about his trip, Issei can’t help but discreetly pat Tooru’s back. Just to wake him up. Because his best friend was right in front of him after months being apart.  
  
« Quite surprised, hm? » Matsukawa asks with a smile.

Which is true. Oikawa can’t believe it’s actually happening. Iwaizumi is in front of him. Looking great, happy. Beautiful. He hasn’t change one bit.

« Come on Hiro, we’re going to prepare something to drink. And to eat. I guess our dear vice-captain must be hungry after his trip. »

« Why don’t we order some pizzas? Or ramen? » Hanamaki follows his best friend to the kitchen, letting Oikawa and Iwaizumi alone.

Both of them look at each other, silent. It wasn’t like they didn’t know what to say but rather how to start a conversation. Even though Oikawa wants to control himself, he just can't and that’s why after a few seconds, the brunet ends up in his best friend’s arms who hugs him tightly. It has been too long for their liking. Too long since their last hug. Too long since Oikawa breathed Iwaizumi’s scent in.

« I can’t believe you’re here, Iwa-chan.. » Oikawa mutters, shutting his eyes close. His heart beats so fast he’s scared he might faint.

« And yet, here I am. » Iwaizumi replies, a smile in his voice.

Tooru starts to laugh, feeling his eyes watering. He couldn’t describe how..How good he felt right now. After weeks of falling apart, after his knee injury, after crying himself to sleep, Oikawa found a bit of relief in his best friend’s arms. Even if it wasn’t for too long. Even if the raven would have to go back to Australia. At this perfect moment, he didn’t quite care. In fact, he didn’t care at all. Because what mattered was their moment together. What mattered was the fact that they were going to be able to spend some time, all four of them. Like they used to. They would even be able to spend Christmas together if they decided to celebrate it.

Without noticing it, Matsukawa and Hanamaki are looking at them from the kitchen and to be honest, even they could feel a slight relief in their hearts. Nothing had changed, apparently.

After a few seconds, Oikawa finally lets go of his friend, genuinely smiling. He was going to enjoy every second of Iwaizumi’s return.

« Once you’re done with all the crying and stuff, why don’t you both come here. We need to know what you want to eat tonight. » Issei says with a grin.

« I’m only here for five minutes and you already give me orders. Do I need to remind you who was your vice captain Matsun? » Iwaizumi replies with the same tone.

« Oh, you talk big for someone who didn’t even reach 180 cm ! »

« Why did you just say to me? »

While Matsukawa and Iwaizumi start to fight like they used to back in high school, Oikawa can’t help but stare at them. He feels a weird sensation in his heart. Something that keeps him from breathing, that makes his whole body shake. It’s like..It’s like before a match. He’s so excited but at the same time, he’s so scared. But this time, and even though he’s excited, the loss could be much bigger than just a high school match. This time, the loss could be Iwaizumi.

Feeling that Oikawa is out of breath while doing nothing, Takahiro softly pats Tooru’s shoulder. Offers him a smile and tilts his head towards the other two. It was going to be a good evening.

*****

« You literally threw a glass of water at him? »

« He didn’t want to get up, what was I supposed to do? »

« He also was whining. »

« I was _not_. »

Okay so since Iwaizumi came back, the raven wanted to know what happened during his absence. And by everything, he meant everything concerning Oikawa and his drama queen behavior.

Right now, Hanamaki just told him that he spilled an entire glass of water on Oikawa’s face because he didn’t want to get up. Not just a simple glass of water however, no it had been full of ice and apparently, Tooru never jumped out of bed so quickly.

« You should have recorded it. Guess it was a masterpiece. » Iwaizumi couldn’t help but grin when he saw the offended look on Oikawa’s face.

« Makki doesn’t understand I need my beauty sleep. » Oikawa replies, sipping at his pineapple juice.

« I told you to get up. You just didn’t listen. » Hanamaki counters with a shrug.

« And I told you ‘just five minutes’ ! »

« It wasn’t. » Issei adds while taking a slice of his boyfriend’s pizza.

« Why are you all against me? I knew you didn’t love me ! »

Oikawa pouts, his glass against his sweet lips. After welcoming Iwaizumi in the kitchen, with some drinks and snacks, the four boys went to the living room. The soft noise of the tv playing in the background. Yeah, it almost felt like they were back to high school. Oikawa doesn’t know why he always feels so nostalgic about these days. He doesn’t understand what was so special because it was _high school._ There has been a lot of stress, of homework, of decisions to make.

Maybe Oikawa knows why he’s being so nostalgic. Maybe because back then, they didn’t really have to worry about anything else than volleyball. Than homework, actually. So yeah, perhaps high school hadn’t been so bad because right now, Oikawa really wished he could go back in time. Just to enjoy it for a day.

But enough with sad memories ! Tooru can’t feel this way when his best friend just returned from Australia. They needed to celebrate. And obviously, it’s Hanamaki who comes back with some bottles of alcohol after he disappeared into the kitchen.

« Sooo, since our vice captain is back for a little while, we surely need to drink. And by drinking, I don’t mean water or your stupid pineapple juice Oikawa. »

« It’s delicious, full of vitamins and a gift for my mouth. » Oikawa replies, sipping quite loudly just to make a point.

« Yeah, something else would be a gift for your mouth. Right Hiro? » Issei grins, making Tooru choke on his drink before furiously blushing. Why did he have friends like that?

« Hm-hm. It wouldn’t be just a gift but more of an..mouthy orgasm. »

« Okay, can we just stop here? It’s embarrassing ! » Oikawa adds, not daring to cross Iwaizumi’s eyes. He didn’t want his best friend to suspect something.

« Oh no, please go on. I want to know what Oikawa hides under his pillow at night. » Iwaizumi teases in return, looking straight into Oikawa’s orbits.

And that smile clearly was the reason Tooru’s heart stopped beating for a second. Why did he have to be this gorgeous for Christ’s sake? It wasn’t fair !

« See, Oikawa-.. » Hiro starts all while pouring some vodka in their glasses.

« Makki ! I don’t know what you want to say but don’t say it ! » Oikawa demands, pleads in fact. Because he trusts his friends to not tell Iwaizumi about his feelings but he also knows that they’re ready to make a fool out of him.

« At night he makes this embarrassing thing which is-.. »

That’s it, Oikawa jumps towards Takahiro, putting his hand on his mouth just to shut him up. Hanamaki can’t help but laugh, falling backwards and kicking their coffee table. Their drinks almost end up on the floor if it weren’t for Matsukawa and Iwaizumi taking the glasses in their hands.

Tooru’s still blushing, even after ten minutes. He didn’t want to look like an idiot in front of his crush. Was it so hard to understand?

« Okay, we have to talk about something serious now. A matter of life or death. » Hanamaki says quite serious before letting a silence occur. And Oikawa can already feel himself shaking. Was he going to tell Iwaizumi about his injury? No he wouldn’t do that but..It could be, right? « What ramen do you guys want? »

Oikawa almost breaks his glass in his hands under the sudden pressure. Sometimes, he really hated his friends.

« The usual for you Issei, I guess. » Hanamaki adds, knowing his boyfriend always orders the same. Even after all this time.

The raven nods, taking a sip of his glass before looking at Oikawa and Iwaizumi who exchange some shy glances. It’s literally too sweet, too pure. They haven’t seen each other for a while now and with the teasing, also came some tenderness they weren’t used to share.

Tooru can feel his heart beat so hard in his chest, he almost forgets how to breathe. He can scent Iwaizumi’s perfume and it’s the same as always. But it seems he gained some muscles as he said last time. This man was going to become Godzilla, for sure.

After Hanamaki and Matsukawa made their choices, Oikawa takes his friend’s phone and scrolls through the menu while Iwaizumi does the same, leaning against the brunet who tries to think about something else than the fact that the guy he is in love with is just a few centimeters away from his face.

« There is too much, I can’t decide.. » Oikawa whines like a child. If he had to choose, he would probably end up putting some milk bread into his ramen just because he loved this meal. Well, it wasn’t a proper meal, mostly to Iwaizumi who always said that Oikawa loved milk bread more than life itself. And that it was some kid’s snack.

« Hm..Oh they’ve got some agedashi tofu ! I’ve made my choice. » Iwaizumi looks like a child who just got his Christmas’s present. Oikawa couldn’t be more grateful for this adorable view.

« Don’t they have tofu in Australia? » Issei asks, raising an eyebrow.

« They do, but I guess it’s not the same. I mean, it’s not typically Japanese. However, I went to eat some of it with some friends at college. It’s not that bad. »

Ah there it is. This disturbing and annoying feeling called jealousy. When he hears the word « friends », Tooru can’t help it. He remembers those friends who put an end to his call with Iwaizumi. They went to eat something together, so maybe that was what the raven meant. Did they have fun? Did he bring his girlfriend? Did they spend the night together? Oikawa hopes they didn’t have had a good time.

Obviously, it was a selfish thing to think. He knows that. But Tooru didn’t like to know that Iwaizumi made other friends despite already having the best he could ever wish for. Okay, that’s what _he_ was thinking. They were a group of four boys, supporting each other since the beginning. Why did he have to go out with other people? It didn’t make any sense.

Of course, it did. It was just Oikawa’s selfish part who was talking.

« ..kawa. Oikawa ! »

« Hm? »

Oikawa blinks a few times, guessing he got lost in toxic thoughts because Iwaizumi had raised his voice to make him come back to reality.

« Sorry, I was thinking about what I was going to order. » he lies, faking a smile. And Hajime can tell something is going on inside his best friend’s mind but he doesn’t say anything. Not now. Except he makes a mental note to do it later.

« I think I’m going to try the same as you Matsun. It doesn’t look bad. » the brunet adds.

« Doesn’t look bad? It’s the best you could ever wish for. But I forgive you and your awful tastes. »

« I..clearly feel offended right now. Why so much violence? » Oikawa wonders, his eyes wide open.

Iwaizumi starts to laugh. He laughs so much that his eyes are closed. And Tooru thinks it’s the most beautiful sound he has ever heard.

*****

« Okay so if you need anything during the night, just go for it. It’s your home too. »

« Sure? »

« Are you really asking? »

Iwaizumi can’t help it but he’s always been very polite. So when Matsukawa tells him he can go wonder into their flat if he needs something, he had to ask. Not that he didn’t think his friend would hesitate or something like that but..Well, you know how he is.

Thanking him, then wishing a good night of sleep to his friends, Hajime went to the spare room. His bags are already in the corner thanks to Issei’s help.

Searching for his pyjama, Iwaizumi lets himself fall on the mattress with a sigh. He had to admit that he missed this kind of reunion. Their kind of reunion.

After what it felt like half an hour and being unable to sleep, the spiker got up and decided that maybe, a good glass of milk with some honey would help him. However, as he walks towards the kitchen, Iwaizumi can see some light on the balcony. Did they forget to turn it off?

Curious, Hajime looks quite surprised when he sees Oikawa, sitting on a chair, a blanket around him. This guy was going to get a cold, for sure.

Sliding the door open, Iwaizumi looks at his best friend. He seems calm. Almost too calm. No, in fact he looks peaceful.

« Oi. You’re going to catch a cold. Come back in. »

« But it’s so nice out there. » Oikawa counters, a glass of..Something in his hands.

« Nice? It’s cold, we’re in November. You shouldn’t be out at this time of the night. »

« But Iwa-chan..Look at the sky. »

Hajime frowns, stepping outside and on the verge of asking once again Oikawa to come back in.

Yet, as the raven looks at the sky, his face suddenly lights up. It’s the first time in a while that he actually sees a sky full of stars. Surely, he’s already seen it in Australia but right now it’s..

« It’s.. »

« It’s almost magical, hm? I know. I often come here when I can’t sleep. Even if the stars aren’t always shining. » Oikawa softly smiles, his warm cup in his hands.

The brunet turns his heard towards his best friend, offering him a seat just next to him while gesturing it. However, he doesn’t see Iwaizumi flinch even with this low temperature. That guy was a monster, for real.

Silently sipping at his beverage, Oikawa can see and mostly feel Iwaizumi glaring at him before turning his attention at the sky.

« So you can’t sleep either? » Hajime questions, rubbing his hands together. Was he nervous?

« Yeah. Probably ate too much and now, my stomach is getting his revenge. »

« I told you not to eat so fast. You ate from everyone’s plates, no wonder you’re-.. »

Iwaizumi stops talking. Oikawa then looks at him with a confused face, not understanding what was happening.

« What? » Tooru worries.

« Nothing. It just reminds me of high school. I always told you the same kind of thing and you would always do-.. »

« The exact opposite. I know. »

The spiker blinks a few times, his green orbits looking straight into these chocolate ones. Oikawa wants to suppress this urge to blush but he just can’t. He can’t do it when he sees Iwaizumi smile. A genuine smile. Something soft, very protective.

When Oikawa went out on the balcony half an hour ago, it hadn’t been because he ate too much but because he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing his crush was sleeping in the room next to him. Because it was so nice to have him back. It was so nice to hear him complain about Oikawa not being careful. Or to hear him throw some insults at his face. It wasn’t romantic, not at all but Tooru loved it. He loved the fact that Iwaizumi didn’t change one bit even though he went to Australia.

He loved how Iwaizumi took care of him.

« You really are a troublesome guy, huh? »

« Excuse me? What does that mean? Are you picking a fight with me Iwa-chan? Because if you do, I could beat you in a blink of an eye. » Oikawa retorts, straightening up.

« Aaaand we both know you would end up on the floor, crying like a little girl. » Iwaizumi answers, a devilish smile on his face.

« I do _not_ cry like a little girl. »

« Oh? Remember when we were watching this horror movie and you-.. »

« Okay fair enough ! You win. »

Oikawa pouts, looking down at his cup full of milk. Iwaizumi always wins when they start a fight anyway. Glaring at him as his friend does the same, a silence falls on them. And then, they just start laughing.

It has been too long since Oikawa heard this beautiful noise. Or too long since he felt that good. That peaceful. But once again, nothing’s really the same when Iwaizumi’s not around. Tooru knows that with his best friend’s absence, there would always be a hole in his chest. He would always feel like something’s missing. And it was a terrible feeling because it would never go away. It wouldn’t go away until Iwaizumi is back. If he ever comes back..

Lost in his thoughts, Oikawa is quite taken aback at Hajime’s question.

« How have you been, Oikawa? »

It’s not a difficult question, to be honest. Oikawa could just say that he’s fine. That everything’s fine, that it’s not even that difficult without him but he knows Hajime can tell when he’s lying. He always does.

However, Tooru doesn’t want to tell him that he has been living a nightmare since his departure for Australia. That his sleepless nights were full of crying, that when he heard Iwaizumi got a girlfriend he almost felt like the world was ending. That he’s so full of emotions he’s scared he’s going to explode. That he hurt his stupid knee because he felt like an idiot. Because he’s constantly so angry at everything and anyone.

He just can’t help it. He wishes he was able to turn the page of this stupid book entitled « I’m in love with my straight best friend who even has a girlfriend ». When he thinks he has, it just comes right back in his face.

Right now, Oikawa feels at loss of words. What is he even supposed to say? The truth? What are we supposed to say in that kind of situation?

« I..It’s okay, I guess? I mean, it’s not always simple but it’s alright. » Oh boy, was he lying.

« That’s why you hurt your knee? »

Tooru doesn’t know when he ever felt so shocked. That’s what he clearly is, at this moment. He doesn’t know why Iwaizumi is asking him this. Who told him? Who had the nerves to go tell him without his consent? Was it Matsun? No, he’s sure it’s Makki. He wanted to tell Iwaizumi in the first place.

So and because he has nothing better to say, Oikawa lies once again.

« I don’t know what you’re talking about. »

« Oh cut the crap Oikawa. I saw your brace on Hanamaki’s video. »

« Video? What video? » Oikawa doesn’t understand one thing. But what he knows is that Iwaizumi lost his beautiful smile. A smile replaced by an angrier expression.

« A video of you and the others playing twister at Kuroo’s birthday. I even heard Matsukawa say that you had to be careful. What happened? »

Oikawa opens his mouth, searching his words. He wants to say something. He wants to tell him that yes, he had been careless. He put too much pressure on his right knee even after promising he wouldn’t.

Shaking his head, Tooru fakes a smile. He’s not going to admit anything.

« It’s nothing. I just fell while practicing. »

« Like you fell in high school? Or middle school? » Iwaizumi replies, his voice harsher than Oikawa used to hear it.

« It’s not that bad, I swear. Just, stop already. I’m fine. » Oikawa sighs. He doesn’t know if he wants to have this conversation with Iwaizumi. If they do, he knows they will end up fighting. But if they don’t..Oikawa knows Iwaizumi will hear about it from someone else and it’s going to be even worse.

« Really? Come on Oikawa, I saw your medication in the bathroom. I’m not stupid and for the record, I’m studying sport sciences so I, at least, know what those pills are for. »

« Yeah well, you don’t know half of anything because you weren’t there so stop acting like you had been. »

« So something did happen. »

Oikawa blinks. Iwaizumi got him. As always. As always, he wins. If Oikawa can pretend everything’s fine while putting a fake smile on his face or sounding joyful when he sure wasn’t, Iwaizumi can read him like an open book. That’s the problem. He can’t hide anything from him, he never could.

Tooru feels cornered. What will happen if he tells Hajime what really happened? How is he supposed to explain that his injury happened because he had been too focused on forgetting about his feelings? Was he supposed to lie once again? He better find a good reason.

« No, Iwa-chan. Nothing happened. I’ve always had some issues with my knee and I guess the cold, the stress and obviously me practicing didn’t help. »

There is, once again a silence. The wind blows through Oikawa and Iwaizumi’s hair. His heart is beating fast, too fast. No matter how hard it is to lie, he knows he has to do it. He can’t ask Iwaizumi to always take care of him. It’s too selfish. Also, he doesn’t want to fight with him tonight. Not when he just came back from Australia. To be honest, he just wants to enjoy Hajime’s presence. He just wants to see his smile, hear his laugh when he says something stupid, hear him complain about how dumb he is. In fact, he doesn’t want much. At least, that’s what he thinks. His eyes falling on the floor, Iwaizumi silently stares at his friend. Maybe it’s not the right time to talk about it.  
So, he sighs and then offers a new smile to the brunet.

« You know I worry about you, right? »

Oikawa wants to ask if it’s true. If he really means it. But who is he to doubt his words?

« But we don’t have to talk about it tonight. So..Why don’t we just watch the stars a bit more. Hm? »

« Yeah..I think it’s a good idea. » Oikawa replies, feeling quite relieved but not really at the same time. Because he knows that Iwaizumi will come back at him with that. And it’s going to be huge.

* * *

« Iwa-chan came back. »

It’s so sudden that Kuroo literally stops kissing Oikawa’s neck. It’s been a few days since the raven noticed something strange in his friend’s behavior. He didn’t quite know what it was and because he didn’t came to Oikawa’s flat since his birthday, he couldn’t know that Iwaizumi came home.

Yet, it’s still so surprising Tetsuro can’t help but ask.

« I’m sorry, what? » And he definitely seems stupid right now.

« Iwa-chan. He came back from Australia. Do you even listen to me Tetsu-chan? » Oikawa replies with a frown. It wasn’t the time to joke around.

« So I was right. »

« Right about what? »

« About the fact that something was off with you. You acted really weird lately. I was wondering what it was but I thought you would eventually talk about it when you felt like it. »

Oikawa just sighs. He sometimes forgets that Kuroo not only can read blocks but he also can read people. And it was annoying as hell. Pushing his ‘lover’ aside, the former captain straightens. It’s Thursday evening, they don’t have practice today so Oikawa asked if he could come to his flat. Obviously, the raven accepted and one thing leading to another, they ended up in bed. Or on the bed, in fact. Because even if Tetsuro started to get horny, he knew something was off with Tooru.

Now, he got the answer.

And he can understand why his teammates looks so upset. Something is bothering him. He knows that Oikawa won’t tell him anything if he doesn’t push him, that’s why he goes right to the point.

« Did you confess to him? »

Oikawa turns so fast, Kuroo almost thinks he snapped his neck.

« No way ! I’m not going to confess. Why do you even ask? »

« Because..You can’t go on like that Oikawa. »

« I’m fine Tetsu-chan, I swear. It’s nothing, I’m just a bit surprised Iwa-chan came back without even telling me.. »

Oh yeah, that too. Oikawa didn’t quite swallow the pill. He still wonders why Hajime didn’t have the decency to tell him he was coming back to Japan. So that’s why he had a bag on his bed that day..He didn’t get more muscles or anything like that, he had been preparing his return. What a liar. He lied straight to his face. On top of that, he suspects Hanamaki to know more than he says. Because that morning, at the coffee table, he really was going to tell him something. But how was he going to ask him about it with Iwaizumi around them?

« Oh so you’re not upset with the fact that you have to play along with the best friend act while you’re in love with him? Sorry, my mistake. » Kuroo shakes his head, Oikawa was so smart yet he couldn’t even deal with his own feelings.

« It will go away. I can handle it. Without any problem. » Obviously, Oikawa wants to convince himself. Because if he does, he will able to overcome this..Little problem, can we say.

« You’re going to pretend you’re not in love with Iwaizumi all your life? What the hell is wrong with you? »

« Excuse me? »

As the good friend he is, Kuroo always respected Oikawa’s choice concerning his feelings towards Iwaizumi. He always respected his decisions, was always there to support him but right now..It’s going out of hand. Oikawa can’t go on like that, he knows it. Kuroo knows it. Everyone knows it. So why was he being this stubborn?

« You heard me. I don’t understand why you keep saying things like ‘I’m fine’ or ‘It will be okay’ when it clearly isn’t. It’s literally been months since Iwaizumi went to Australia and now that he’s here for a few weeks, you have the opportunity to tell him how you feel. »

« In case you didn’t notice, Iwa-chan doesn’t feel the same for me and he has a _girlfriend._ »

« Oh just cut the crap Oikawa. »

If Kuroo isn’t known to be angry or annoyed by something, he surely is by his friend’s behavior. Oikawa blinks a few times, wondering why Tetsuro is such in a bad mood. He knows he’s right but instead of hearing what he has to say, to listen to his advices he might give, Oikawa does what he always does : he lies.

« It’s not crap. It’s the truth ! Why are you like that? »

« Come on, we both know you’re a mess since Iwaizumi told you he had a girlfriend. If he really has by the way because you don’t have any proof of it. And when you could enjoy some time with him, you actually can’t because you’re suffering. Because even though you say it’s all fine, it’s not. You even went to injure your bad knee. And it wasn’t an accident, don’t try to deny it. »

« Well, that’s none of your business. » Oikawa counters. He doesn’t want to talk about what he feels with Kuroo when the raven can tell if he’s lying or not.

« Yes it is, Oikawa ! It’s my business and Bokuto and Akaashi’s. Even more when it comes to Hanamaki and Matsukawa because they are your friends, they take care of you. We all do, we all want to but you don’t let us! »

« But it’s not your job ! Don’t you get it?! »

Oikawa suddenly screams while standing up from the bed. He runs a hand through his brown locks, his heart beating fast under his wrath. That’s why he didn’t want to have this conversation with Kuroo. When it comes to his feelings towards Iwaizumi, Tooru just looses it. He can’t control himself. It’s too hard.

« It always has been Iwa-chan’s job to take care of me. Back when we were young, he always knew when something was wrong. He was there when I hurt myself, when we lost against Shiratorizawa or even Karasuno. He was there, every time. And then, he decided to go to Australia and I knew he wouldn’t be able to take care of me anymore. At first I was so mad at him for not telling me but..But I realized I was just mad because I would have to take care of myself. I know it’s selfish but I wanted him to stay with me. All his life. Because if he did, he probably wouldn’t have time to find a girlfriend or anything else. Yet, it happened. And it’s not fair ! »

Kuroo stays quiet, not daring to cut his friend off when he was finally admitting what he really felt. However, the raven could tell the former captain was suffering. His heart was bleeding, his eyes red from crying at night, his mind going crazy from all the doubt he was living.

Oikawa can’t help but chuckle. Something ironic, pathetic. That’s what he was. That’s what he is.

« It’s not fair because..Because if I tell him, he’s going to hate me. I can’t have that Tetsu-chan, I just can’t.. But it hurts. »

Tetsuro watches Oikawa walking through the bedroom, nervous and shaking. He doesn’t know what to say to make him feel better. Or, yes he does. But he wasn’t going to risk Iwaizumi and Oikawa’s friendship just because of his advice.

So, he stands up and goes right in front of the brunet. He slowly takes his face into his hands, Oikawa isn’t resisting. Nor he flinches.

« Maybe it’s time for you to tell him. You never know what will happen, right? »

Kuroo is right. But that doesn’t mean he’s going to tell Iwaizumi.

* * *

« Okaaay guys, guess what ! » Matsukawa says cheerfully as he enters the living room.

« You’re finally getting rid of that stupid hair of yours? » Oikawa answers, taking a cookie from the bag Iwaizumi is holding next to him.

« No and for your record, my hair is way better than yours. A friend of mine told me there is a party tonight. So we’re all going because I’m getting sick of seeing the same four walls. »

« Which friend is it? » Makki asks, coming out of the kitchen.

« Oh can I sense a bit of jealousy Makki? » Tooru teases, making Iwaizumi smile.

« Of course not, but I would like to know where we’re going. »

Matsukawa rolls his eyes. He knows Hanamaki wouldn’t make a scene but he can tell when his boyfriend is jealous or not. However, it’s just his curiosity talking at this moment.

« It’s a guy from my class. We had a group project to do a few weeks ago and he texted me saying there was a party at his friend’s house. Everybody’s going to be here. Or something like that. »

« Did you even read your friend’s text? Correctly? » Iwaizumi asks this time, raising an eyebrow. He also knows that Matsukawa can be a bit..Well, Matsukawa.

« Of course I did. Anyway, it’s a simple party. And we’re going. »

« I suppose we don’t have much of a choice, do we now? »

« Of course not. »

*****

Obviously, it ended with the four of them getting to that party. And to be honest it hadn’t been easy. Firstly because Hanamaki and Oikawa didn’t know what they were going to wear (yes, Makki liked to be well-dressed too) and then, both of them took way too long in the bathroom. Only to look exactly the same but with other clothes on.

When Matsukawa and Iwaizumi asked what took them so long, Takahiro and Tooru didn’t speak to the others two all way to the party. Not a good question, apparently.

The music is kind of loud at the party. Like any other party. But with his studies, Iwaizumi happened to forget how it was. Not that he didn’t like it, but it wasn’t the same when he wasn’t with his friends.

After a few minutes wandering through the flat, avoiding bumping into some people and instead, Oikawa bumping into Iwaizumi because they were following each other, Matsukawa finally found his dear classmate.

« Oh you’ve got to be kidding me. » Oikawa suddenly says. And you can feel something almost desperate in his voice.

« What? Aren’t you the one who likes parties? » Iwaizumi retorts, turning his head towards his best friend. 

« I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about _that._ »

Iwaizumi supposes Oikawa saw something or someone he didn’t like. Something he’s going to complain about for hours. Maybe the lights are too bright, or maybe the carpet doesn’t match with the walls’ colors. Maybe the drinks don’t taste good. But what Hajime sees not so far from him is completely..Surprising? To be honest, the raven doesn’t know how to explain this situation.

Remember when Matsukawa said some ‘friend’ told him about the party? Well, said friend was in fact, a very loud and amusing guy who happened to have red spiky hair. And not only did they know this guy but also the one who came back with two glass in his hands.

« Isseeeii ! I’m so glad you could make it. I didn’t know if Wakatoshi understood what I said when I asked him to bring you to my place. Guess he understood right after all ! » Tendo says with his usual bright smile. This guy was always full of energy. No matter what, and no matter when.

« He did. Well.. I have to admit it was kind of strange to hear him say that, but.. »

« I just repeated what Tendo wanted me to say. »

« Anyway ! I see you didn’t come by yourself! »

Indeed, Matsukawa didn’t come alone. That’s the problem because Oikawa can’t believe it. He had been tricked. Betrayed! He wasn’t going to just smile and pretend everything was fine when Ushijima Wakatoshi, his nemesis, enemy since middle school was standing a few meters away from him.

No way ! Why was he at this party anyway? Wasn’t he bad with people, usually? He always had been. So why now? Did he try to socialize because of his volleyball career? Because of his popularity? What a joke. A disgusting joke.

Hanamaki doesn’t seem surprised. Once again. First, it had been with Iwaizumi’s return and now, with Ushijima.

« Am I cursed or something? Or is this a joke? Because I don’t find it funny and I wouldn’t have laughed either way. »

« Come on Oikawa, it’s not that bad. It’s just a party. » Hanamaki seems relaxed for a guy who cried at the end of their games (yes because there had been many) against Shiratorizawa.

« Excuse me? Look who it is ! Look who is talking to your boyfriend ! I’m sure as hell he knew Ushiwaka was going to be there and he didn’t even tell us ! He betrayed us! »

« Don’t you think you’re overreacting? » Iwaizumi then asks, raising an eyebrow. Deep down, he perfectly understands his best friend’s reaction. Their rivalry with Ushijawa has been going on for years now, but since they all graduated from high school, aren’t they supposed to get over it? At least, that was Iwaizumi’s opinion on the question. He didn’t want to live a life full of regrets.

« Are you serious right now? I’m not going to stay and even more party with this idiot. »

« Oikawa, Tendo invited Matsukawa and I think he knew we were going to come along so be a bit more respectful. » Iwaizumi added, rolling his eyes.

« I didn’t ask him anything. I didn’t ask him to invite me to his stupid party. And I sure as well wouldn’t have come if I had known Ushiwaka would be there ! »

Takahiro and Hajime share a look, wondering what they could do to stop Oikawa from acting like a spoiled brat. Because that’s clearly what he was at this exact moment.

« Can’t you just, for the sake of everyone, put your hard feelings on the side? It’s just a party, it’s not like we’re in the middle of the match or something. » Iwaizumi shrugs, no offense behind his words but this famous glimpse of bitterness, the one Hajime knows too well, makes him understand he probably shouldn’t have said that.

« Yeah, because we wouldn’t win either way. I wouldn’t win. That’s what you’re saying Iwa-chan? »

« Oh my god but what is wrong with you? I didn’t mean like that and you know it. Why are you acting like.. »

« Like what, hm? Like a child? Come on Iwa-chan, you want to say it. Then do it. »

« Guys.. » Hanamaki pleads. The music is too loud for the others to hear what the two best friends are saying but enough for him.

« Yeah, you’re acting like a child ! I know Ushijima is not our best friend but are you going to hate him until you die? Just because we lost? »

« Just because we lost? »

That’s the breaking point for Oikawa. He knows Iwaizumi is right. He knows it because this little war with Ushijima and Shiratorizawa can’t go on. They’re all in college now, they want to achieve their dreams, they want to become someone. To do what they’ve always wanted. But..If they want to achieve their dreams, can Oikawa too? Which path can he follow with his almost broken knee? With his dream of going to nationals gone? When everything he wanted just crumbled and fell apart?

He doesn’t understand why his friends take this so..So smoothly. So lightly. He saw them. He saw them cry after their lost battle against Karasuno. He saw Hajime break down, he saw the tears on Matsukawa and Hanamaki’s faces. He saw everything. He felt everything because he was the captain and still, he could do nothing. He had done nothing.

Of course he didn’t swallow the pill. Why would he? And how could he? He had been named captain, but couldn’t even take his team to nationals.

Slowly, this awful feeling of guilt and rage, and regret comes back to take him. It shakes him to the core, making his fingers tremble. His heart beats with the same angry emotion he once felt when he faced Tobio. When this time, his junior had been better than him.

It was always like that. No matter how hard he tried, how hard he trained, someone was always better than him. When he understood Ushijima was stronger, Oikawa decided to improve his serves. He learned to control the ball with its power and stability. It wasn’t enough. When he understood Tobio was more..Gifted than him, he decided to train his serves once again. But he added strategy, for himself and his team. He tried everything to make his own team a gift to the world. They had to be better than his junior. Than Ushijima.

But after a while, after understanding that maybe, it wasn’t his team which was weak, but maybe just Oikawa, the brunet couldn’t simply let his best friend affirm that. Of course, Iwaizumi would never tell Tooru he was weak. Because he wasn’t. He could join any team and make it appear like he had always been with it but right now, Ushijima is here and Iwaizumi too. His rival, his best friend who he is in love with and he doesn’t want to hear anything about volleyball.

Iwaizumi can feel the tension rise up. So he sighs.

« You know that’s not what I mean. »

« So what do you mean, huh? You want to be friend with our enemy? Did you forget how he treated me? »

« But that’s the point Oikawa ! It’s not always about you ! It’s not just you who lost this damn game. It’s all of us ! Ushijima wanted you to come to Shiratorizawa because he thought you were a great setter and he’s right. But you can’t keep living in the past and feel sorry for yourself. You have to move on, like we all do. I know it still hurts, I can feel it too. It’s probably the same for Hanamaki and Matsukawa but you have to accept that this time, somebody was better than you. But it doesn’t mean they are _better_ than you. Don’t you get it? » Iwaizumi blurts out, slowly raising his voice. If it was for him, he would already have head butted Oikawa for the sole purpose of waking him up.

Oikawa has this tendency to think everything is his goddamn fault when it isn’t. How many times Iwaizumi had to drag him out of the gym because he wouldn’t stop practicing? It was exhausting. Exhausting because he didn’t listen to a word Hajime said. Because he would always think he wasn’t good enough.

Obviously, Tooru doesn’t have the reaction Iwaizumi’s hoping for. Instead of calming down, the brunet lets an ironic laugh escape his lips. His chocolate eyes still full of that same rage. Oh he gets it, but right now all he can see is that he’s at a party with someone he doesn’t even want to run into.

« I’m not going to stay here just because you asked for it Iwa-chan. Or just because you think I have to get over all this. Maybe you can, but I don’t. »

« Oikawa wait ! »

Oikawa is outside the apartment in a matter of seconds, Iwaizumi following him through the crow. He isn’t going to let Oikawa run away. He has to face his life as it is. Of course it’s hard, and painful and heartbreaking but sooner or later, he would have to accept it.

« Just leave me alone, Iwa-chan. I’m going to go home or going to Tetsu. I still haven’t decided. »

« So you’re just going to leave us here? Because of your pride? That’s stupid Oikawa and you know it. »

« The problem is I don’t care, alright? I don’t care if you find it stupid or not. Or if you think I’m acting as a child. You lost the right to tell me this kind of things when you left ! »

At the exact moment where his words left his mouth, Oikawa regrets it. He doesn’t want Iwaizumi to know about his feelings and he promised himself not to talk about what he felt when he saw him leave. But here we are.

Iwaizumi inhales sharply. Maybe because he went outside without his coat, or maybe because his heart is beating faster than he has thought. In any case, both of them stay in silence for what it seems a while.

« So that’s what it is about. Me, leaving for my studies. »

« It’s not. The world doesn’t revolve around you Iwa-chan. »

But Hajime is sick of all of this. He’s sick of seeing Oikawa acting like there is nothing wrong when something was. He’s sick of looking at his best friend and seeing this guilt of whatever it is in his orbits. He’s sick of their fights. Of the secrets they both keep in order to protect the other.

« Then tell me what it is ! You always told me when there was something wrong, what changed? »

Oikawa wants to say ‘everything’. Everything’s changed at the moment where his friendship turned into something deeper.

« There is nothing going on Iwa-chan ! I just can’t look at Ushijima’s face without wanting to punch him. »

« So you’re telling me that you’re not on edge since the moment I stepped into your flat? » Iwaizumi provokes. He has to know.

« Why would I be on edge? I’m not. » Oikawa denies the best he can. He has to admit it has been like a bomb to see Iwaizumi coming back like he never left.

« Because I can read you, you dumbass. I can feel you’re not telling me everything. You avoid me without even realizing it. You avoid looking at me, you avoid spending some time alone with me. You avoir some subjects and most of all, you avoid talking about your knee. What did I do? Did I do something wrong? »

And Oikawa wants to laugh. Yes, Iwaizumi did something wrong. He abandoned him at a time where he needed him the most. He went to Australia, lived his best life, had a girlfriend, new friends. So, Tooru doesn’t know if he really wants to tell him what’s going on, mostly because he thinks he’s going to regret it. Yet, his tongue is burning from all the truth he wants to throw at Iwaizumi’s face.

But this truth will be the end of them. Of their friendship. Of everything they’ve built together. Oikawa can’t have that. He would rather fight with Iwaizumi until his death than to lose him completely. He can live with a broken heart, but not without him. So he stays silent. Not a word coming out his mouth.

« You know what? Forget it. I thought you finally grew up. I thought you finally understood that you can’t go on like that. Always feeling guilty and wondering why you weren’t becoming stronger. I’m tired of this, Oikawa. And to be honest, I felt guilty when I decided to leave for Australia. But you told me you were going to be fine so I trusted you. And then, I come back-.. »

« You didn’t even tell me you were coming home ! How was I supposed to react? Why didn’t you tell me? And don’t say it wasn’t planned because right before you knocked at that damn door, Makki was going to tell me something. So, did you tell him? »

This time, it’s Iwaizumi’s turn. He stays silent, looking around for a few seconds. Oikawa then repeats, a bit louder.

« Did you tell him or not?! »

« Yes I did ! I told him not to say anything because I didn’t want you to know. »

It hurts. It’s like being stabbed in the heart without being able to fight back. It’s like the knife is stuck in his heart, moving again and again.

« Why?» Oikawa wants to look proud. And not hurt to the core.

« Because I wasn’t sure if you wanted to see me. I know we’ve been fighting a lot lately, that I haven’t been there for you but I..I don’t know, okay? » Iwaizumi starts, shrugging as if he was in class and didn’t know the answer to a question. « I feel like we’re growing apart and I don’t like it. I hate it, in fact. I know I should have told you sooner about my studies in Australia, and then I got mad when you acted the way you did but the truth is..Is that I would have reacted the same way. We’ve been friends for so long, I guess it’s more difficult than I thought it would be to leave you behind me. »

Oikawa feels his throat tightens. He wants to hate him. He wants to hate Iwaizumi, with all his heart but he can’t. Not when he hears those words coming out of his mouth. He supposes he isn’t the only one being hurt and desperate. Maybe the world doesn’t revolve around him. Iwaizumi is right. He’s selfish to think he’s the only one in pain.

The wind blows once again. It’s cold, yet Oikawa isn’t shaking because of this. He’s shaking because Iwaizumi is finally in front of him after months of being apart. He could tell him he’s in love with him. He could confess. It would be over.

Everything could be over in a matter of seconds. He remembers Kuroo’s words. He can’t go on like this.

« I’m sorry Iwa-chan, I..I don’t know what’s happening to me, lately. It’s like I can’t breathe and it all started when you left for Australia. I know I behave like a child but..Oh for Christ’s sake, it’s so hard you know? Not having you around, hearing you throw some stupid insults.. » Tooru tries to laugh but it’s just a broken sob which comes out of his mouth. « I miss this. I miss everything we had back in high school. Nothing is the same and nothing will be anymore. I know I have to grow up, but I was hoping you would be there. With me. So I know I told you I was fine but..But I’m not and it’s killing me. It’s killing me to know you have a girlfriend in Australia, to know you found some new friends. It’s killing me because I-.. »

« A girlfriend? Oikawa, I don’t have a girlfriend. »

And right now, Tooru thinks he’s going to collapse. Because the air around him just disappeared and he feels like he’s going to suffocate.


End file.
